My dad passed away yesterday.
So I decided to write this blog post dedicated to him.
The title I’ve used is something someone said to me.
They said this when I left my long term relationship.
My history has been very similar to his so far.
My dad spent most of his life trying to achieve and trying to finally put that financial thing together.
While doing so he never really connected with my mom.
He was emotionally quite avoidant.
Eventually they divorced.
He went on to sew his wild oats.
The ones his strict Mennonite upbringing had denied him.
At least that’s the story I long was told but as they often say, history is written by the victors. In this case my dad didn’t have a chance to voice his contrary opinion on any of this.
Not for many years at least.
Until I finally reached out to him.
When I did?
I found out there was more to the story than I’d been told.
He had his own desires for connection with my mom.
Desires she could never quite meet him in.
Because of HER conservative Christian upbringing!
That upbringing never allowed her to truly relax and fully open up to her own sexuality. Instead she looked at sex as something she never “denied” him.
You’ve read enough here to know by now what I think of that!
No guy wants a girl to just spread her legs for him.
Physical connection is the primary way most of us guys feel loved if we’re going to.
If you don’t truly desire being sexual with us?
We’re very likely going to find love elsewhere.
And that is what really happened with my dad as he left to allegedly sew those wild oats of his. As he moved on through his life, his quest for achievement became overshadowed by his desire for intimacy.
Dad had many relationships in his life.
With girls he truly cared for.
He even tried to get back with my mom at one point.
Sadly it was too much too little too late for them.
I waited too long to try to connect with my long term partner too.
So I moved on and began a new life for myself and just like my dad, my emphasis has now become relationships. I spent too many years unable to connect and I don’t want to live without true intimacy anymore.
When this person told me I would end up just like my dad?
Of course they didn’t mean it as a compliment.
But now that I know a few more things about him?
I will happily wear that accusation!
Just like my dad, the need for achievement has left me. I will happily live quite simply now if I can enjoy genuine connection instead.
The only thing that matters to me now is love.
This will always be my message.
So thank you dad for this vision you’ve set.
When it comes to romantic love?
I will be most happy if I end up just like you!
How about you? Do you have to wait until you come to the end of everything as well, before you finally realize what you’re truly missing?
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