“So where do you see this relationship going?”
It is probably the most common question.
It is uttered by all you girls.
A little while after you first start seeing someone.
You want to know where it’s going to lead and whether or not you’re “wasting” your time being with him. Is this guy “relationship material” after all or should you just keep looking?
Everybody knows what “relationship material” means.
Is this guy willing to “commit” to you?
Is he willing to stick it out for the long run?
Or is he just playing games?
I attended a workshop of a relationship coach friend who helps you girls meet the “guy of your dreams” as you put it. But this time the workshop was for a group of guys to help us understand you.
Help us achieve success with you.
So what exactly did she tell us?
She told us if we go out with you?
The question, “Where is this going?” is inevitable.
The hardest thing she finds is getting you girls to hold off asking this question. You start dating a guy and in a matter of days (Hours? Minutes?) you’re already planning your life together.
Which is really too bad.
Because what it means?
You’re not there for him.
You’re just chasing a life fantasy.
Trying to fill in the guy part of your dream.
Instead of connecting with the guy in front of you.
She told us it is a miracle if you girls make it three months without first popping the question. If you make it farther than that we ought to go out and celebrate our good luck with you!
By three months you’re looking for “exclusive.”
With potential long term already brewing.
By year one you’ll be getting pretty antsy.
If we haven’t committed to “something more” with you.
You are not even there to enjoy each other and just be what you will be together. Your mind is already planning “your day” and you’re living out there in the future.
That’s not what a relationship is.
It’s not a means to an end you’re seeking.
It doesn’t need to “go” anywhere.
It is about a living your connection now.
But you’ve been taught you shouldn’t even connect.
Not before you’ve got your T’s crossed and your I’s dotted.
It’s sad to think about all the love you’ve lost.
Being impatient instead of open.
The next time you meet a really great guy why don’t you try something new for starters. Forget about where things “will go” and just be in the PRESENT with him.
See if you can’t just enjoy your time.
Pretend it won’t last and you only have NOW.
How would you approach this experience then?
Would you enjoy it for all it’s worth?
That is how you should ALWAYS be.
No matter what the future brings?
Leave it to him to decide if he wants something more permanent with you.
What do you think? Could you see yourself letting go and just enjoying the present without worrying about the future or the past this time?