The biggest problem with “falling in love?”
It makes you forget everything.
Once that dopamine is pumping again?
You just know THIS person is “the one.”
During my first year in Vancouver I went through this silly process over and over. Fresh from my long term relationship, I thought what I needed was to once again be “in love.”
I had a relationship with a special girl.
She and I were really into each other.
We saw each other at least twice a week.
Our connection was really good.
But then things went south, and I’ll admit I was part of the cause there. I was only starting to figure out what it means to be a polyamorous guy, and I really blew it.
Then I met another girl.
We met on a Slavic dating site.
When she came to Vancouver she looked me up.
The time we shared was amazing!
I found myself so enamored with her, I was sure she was totally different. Surely the way I was feeling meant she would be a great long term monogamous find right?
Then it happened.
As it always does.
She “saved” me from my foolishness.
Showed me what “ownership” by her would mean.
I spent 9 wonderful days with yet another gorgeous Slavic girl in California. When I came back I spent a couple more days with a girl I really loved here back home.
I laugh as I think about that first year now.
How I was a total relationship amnesiac.
Girl after girl kept saving me from myself.
Saying “No” when I wanted to “commit” to her.
Now that I’m several years further along, I have a lot more experience to confirm my convictions. I’ve loved and sought to connect with lots of girls, but now I know that the idea long term monogamy will work is ridiculous.
Not if you want to STAY in love.
For that you need to be outcome independent.
You need to love with an open hand.
Birds only come back when you set them free from you!
How about you? Have you found yourself being a relationship amnesiac thinking “this time” it will work, and isn’t it time to remember what you’ve learned and do your love life differently?
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