You’ve experienced this right?
You’re floating along and everything is good.
Suddenly your partner does something.
It throws you for a loop.
How could they love you and do THAT to you?
If there is one thing you and I should know about communication by now, it is that none of us do it very effectively.
I often say, “Communication is a wonderful thing.”
“We should all try it sometime!”
Of course you think YOU are a great communicator.
But it’s obvious everyone around you isn’t.
And you partner?
You know what to think about that one!
The problem with this situation is you just don’t take it seriously enough. You assume your partner understands you completely and you understand them.
So when they do something that hurts you.
You assume they meant to do just that.
How could they MEAN to do anything else?
Look at what they did to you!
So you go along stewing over their actions.
You have no need to TALK about it.
You know what they did to hurt you and you’re mad about it!
Sometimes though you move to a higher level of communication. Instead of assuming you know what your partner means you learn it is better to actually confirm it.
How do you do that?
You ASK them what they meant.
The experience is so enlightening!
You meant THAT?
You didn’t mean THIS?
How could anybody look at things that way?
Given the battle of the sexes and your ongoing challenges just trying to meet someone to have a relationship with, surely I don’t have to tell you by now that guys and girls see the world very differently?
Okay so let’s assume you’ve learned this now.
You make sure you ask and don’t assume.
The next snag you get into is a tricky one.
You don’t BELIEVE your partner when they tell you what they meant.
You know what they actually meant.
They HAD to!
They are just trying to avoid their responsibility now.
So once again they lose with you.
How do you get off this endless cycle of assuming the worst and interpreting everything to be proof that your partner doesn’t love you?
You start by giving them the benefit of the doubt.
You seek to find the best possible interpretation of their actions.
You always judge yourself by your motives.
Why do you judge your partner by their actions?
Instead imagine the worst way your action could be seen by them and if that’s bad then just don’t do it. Start to imagine the best possible motive they could have for what they did and assume that’s what they actually meant by it.
Since you can’t see inside each other’s minds?
Give each other the benefit of the doubt ALWAYS.
Yes I know.
You could be wrong.
But if that’s the case?
It will come to light eventually.
What will not help you though is assuming the WORST because that will just drive a wedge between you.
If you can’t find a way to see their action as good?
Then open up the conversation.
Explore things together with an open mind.
There is almost always another side to the story.
What do you think? Have you been putting the worst possible interpretation to your partner’s action instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt like you should be?