What’s become very popular these days?

It’s to talk about your “needs” in a relationship.

By calling these things needs though?

You try to manipulate your partner into meeting them for you.

By saying this I’m not trying to suggest, that you don’t have legitimate needs at all for healthy function. But the number of things that are actual needs, are much more limited than you believe.

Of course you have survival needs.

Food, clothing and shelter.

Mental and emotional stability?

Naturally you need these things too.

But notice nothing I’ve mentioned so far has any detailed specification. In Moral Theory these thing are known as “generic” needs, because they can be filled in many different ways.

For instance, even though you need food?

You don’t need this specific steak sandwich.

While you can’t run around outside naked? (You can’t?)

You don’t need this or that particular coat.

When applied to your love life what this means, is you also don’t need anything specific from your partner. If they don’t provide you with what you feel you “need,” you can just go find it elsewhere.

But unfortunately when it comes to love?

Now your insecurities get the best of you.

Once your insecurities are triggered?

You think it’s your partner’s job to “fix” this for you.

As you know, what I teach here is the exact opposite. Not only do I deny it is your partner’s job to meet your needs. I also tell you to let all your expectations go.

Although it sounds counter intuitive?

You should go ahead and try it.

Instead of thinking your “needs” are your partner’s job?

Try putting all your expectations onto YOU.

Once you do? A great load will lift, because your partner will no longer constantly be “disappointing” you. Instead, you’ll be free again to simply love them for who they are, like you used to.

By learning to meet your own “needs?”

You’ll also slowly heal your insecurities.

Learn to be okay in yourself like this?

You’ll no longer “need” your partner to do anything.

What do you think? Have you been using the word “need,” as a way to manipulate things out of your partner, and can you see that your only real need is to meet them for yourself, so your relationship can bloom?