“You shouldn’t be made wrong for your feelings.”
“I want my feelings affirmed before we talk about it.”
“Your feelings are yours and they are always valid.”
“It is never right to say you SHOULD feel a different way.”
Before I tell you where I’m coming from here I want to acknowledge that feelings are feelings. We all experience times where one way or another they hit us and throw us for a loop.
Being a Myers-Briggs INTJ type?
I experience this much less “violently.”
But I know for many of you more feeler types?
Things can get pretty stormy to say the least!
But the one thing you have to understand is feelings are just responses to stimulae. When you experience things and think about them you land on certain interpretations of what’s happening.
Yes sometimes those interpretations are vague or even subconscious.
But they are never completely absent.
And whether or not a feeling is “right” or “valid?”
It depends on the interpretation upon which it is based.
If your partner does something that is hurtful to you they may or may not have intended it as you’re seeing it. If you get upset assuming they meant something they didn’t mean then how you’re feeling isn’t correct.
You’re not wrong for having that feeling though.
It’s a totally appropriate response given your mistaken interpretation.
But once you come to understand you’re not seeing things right?
It is no longer valid to be upset.
The problem though is your feelings don’t change with your corrected thoughts in an instant. There is a residual of feeling that remains for quite some time and this is what really messes you up.
This is why the best thing you can do?
It is actually to separate until the emotional storm has settled.
If you interact while that residual is still churning?
You’re only going to make things worse.
So your feelings are NOT valid until they are based on accurate information and for accurate information you have to get past those feelings so you can once again think straight.
I’m not saying any of this is easy.
I’m just saying it is necessary.
If you want your love to flourish?
You need to focus on VALID feelings and let go of the rest.
What do you say? Is it time to slow things down when you get upset and exercise a little bit of caution and try to see things differently before you decide what your partner really meant?