You know what makes me really sad?
How you girls don’t see your true condition.
That by insisting on commitment in order to share your love?
You are withholding the real love you have in your heart from someone.
“How does the desire for commitment make me emotionally unavailable?” you ask. Because by requiring commitment, what you’re saying is, “I love you, but if you won’t commit to long term monogamy and all its trappings with me, despite the fact I do love you, I am going to walk away and withhold my heart from you.”
Lots of guys are completely emotionally available.
They are willing to give and receive love with you.
The only thing they are not available for?
Long term committed monogamy.
“Oh but Kel,” you say, “you cannot add in another person in a relationship between two people without vastly increasing the separation between the original two and reducing the connection. And that makes it so much less than it could be.”
“If you never want to get REALLY close?”
“Stay away from monogamy.”
“That’s where the intimate connection truly happens.”
“And when it’s right it feels awesome!”
This isn’t about polyamory versus monogamy per se, it is about the requirement of commitment. People don’t need to commit to each other, to enjoy and share love. When you prioritize commitment over the love that you are actually feeling, you are witholding your heart which is the DEFINITION of emotional unavailability.
“Sure they don’t need to commit to enjoy and share love,” you say.
“But only to a certain level.”
“I find that level very limiting.”
“It never gets close enough to be truly partners.”
“And it is not something you ‘demand’ of someone. You can’t. You shouldn’t. That type of commitment happens naturally and is offered freely when two people just really fit well and work well together.”
“And no, I am not talking about enmeshment or codependency.”
“That just gets into the way of everything.”
“In order to truly appreciate and be close to someone?”
“They need to be completely separate and different from you.”
Listen. You can be completely intimate with another person, without any need for commitment or mongamy. Intimacy and vulnerability is about opening your heart and sharing yourself. It has nothing to do with these other things.
And have you actually experienced this bliss you keep talking about?
This “Monogamy Nirvana” you’re touting?
Because if you haven’t then why should anyone take you seriously?
All you’re really doing is spouting off THEORY.
What do you think? Have you ever met anybody who is actually living this monogamy fantasy they keep presenting, or are they just one more person “believing” it will “happen to them sometime,” without any actual concrete evidence?
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