Contrary to popular belief?
Romantic love is NOT about giving.
I know this isn’t what your relationship coaches tell you.
They say love is all about meeting each other’s NEEDS right?
You may even think I’m contradicting myself here. After all, doesn’t my own definition of romantic love tell you it involves sharing yourselves with each other?
That’s the thing.
There is a big difference between giving and sharing.
Giving is all about THEM.
Sharing is all about BOTH of you.
Romantic love is all about MUTUAL desire. You value your partner and they value you, and this makes you want to be together to enjoy yourselves.
If that mutual valuing ever wanes?
Your relationship is in real trouble.
Because once you feel like you’re not sharing anymore?
Resentment starts to kick in big time.
And it should kick in.
Because THAT’S not love.
It’s just being taken advantage of.
Now let me correct an opposite error, that you are likely slipping into here now. Just as you should never GIVE to your partner, you also should never try to “get” from them.
Sharing isn’t about getting either.
That also lacks mutuality.
When your focus is on YOUR needs instead of your partner?
You’re just thinking about yourself aren’t you?
I’ve really confused you now.
If you’re not supposed to give, and you’re not supposed to try to get, what on earth are you SUPPOSED to do if you truly love each other?
There is nothing you’re supposed to do.
You just do what comes NATURALLY.
If I value you and you value me?
Won’t we naturally want to express that to each other?
If we get to the point where either of us don’t?
Our love itself has come into question.
When you are truly in love with someone, you will AUTOMATICALLY express that to them. When they are truly in love with you, they will AUTOMATICALLY express that to you also.
You don’t ever have to force love.
Forced love is an oxymoron.
But what if your feelings for each other falter?
Does that mean it’s completely over then?
Of course not.
Feelings ebb and flow always.
Love isn’t a fleeting feeling.
Love is a deeper emotion all about valuing who your partner IS.
And that rarely changes.
Unless your partner drastically changes for the worst? The value you saw in them remains consistent. Whenever your feelings tell you otherwise, all you have to do is THINK about why you value them again.
When you do?
Slowly but surely, your feelings for them start to return.
The reasons you want to share yourself with them?
It’s all consistent with who they ARE.
I hope I don’t have to remind you nobody is perfect right?
All your partner needs to be is who they are…warts and all.
That’s the reason you love them!
So what do you think? Do you still think there’s something you or your partner have to do, or can you just keep on loving each other?
Like what you’re reading? Sign up!