Why am I here?

No I’m not about to wax philosophical on you and question my existence.

Where I came from.

What my purpose is.

Actually I think to a great extent I’ve got that last one figured out.

It actually has a lot to do with the reason I’m writing this post.

What I’m really asking is, why am I here on this website publishing my thoughts on this blog week after week, sharing how to approach your love life more intelligently?

Why do I offer consulting services so you can get personalized hands on help with your relationship challenges?

The reason I’m doing this is because when I needed this kind of help, there was no one there for me.

You see for years the thought kept going through my head, “You might as well give up.”

There was no one there when my sexuality came on at puberty and I began having these uncomfortable erections I didn’t understand, every time an attractive female came within my view.

Nobody was there to tell me this was how nature has made guys to respond to the opposite sex.

When I experienced my first ejaculation I was completely clueless what was going on, because nobody had told me anything like that was going to happen.

No one was there to tell me this was completely natural and would be important when it came time to have children, if I desired that.

When I first encountered porn I didn’t realize indulging it carelessly could result in my becoming compulsively addicted to that activity.

No one was there to warn me and guide me.

After I became addicted to masturbating to porn, nobody was there with any answers how to overcome it.

I tried and tried to find someone who could help me.

Nobody even talked about these things. For the most part still, nobody does. It’s too embarassing. It’s too taboo.

So nobody is there.

“You might as well give up.”

When I experienced romantic desires for girls and wanted to get to know them, nobody was there to help me understand how to approach them.

How to explore their interest in me to see if there was a mutual attraction.

Nobody told me how attraction worked at all.

There was nobody to help me understand why I had the feelings I did and why I was naturally attracted to girls with higher energy.

Nor were they there to warn me that this wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

That this type of intensity I thought was love, was different from the intimacy that can be experienced with someone you truly value for who they are.

And when on my wedding night I couldn’t have sex with my new bride because I was terrified, and soon lost all feelings for her and began to pull away from her emotionally.

Nobody was there to help me see how things from my childhood had shaped me to react this way and what I needed to do to grow beyond it.

Nobody was there to help me understand what sex had to do with love. That making love is different than getting hot and chasing orgasms.

They weren’t there to show me that attachment and attraction are two very different things.

That if I don’t find my way to attachment, my relationship will fail when attraction fades.

When I found out my long term partner was considering leaving me and I felt the confusing combinations of anger, fear, resentment, and abandonment.

I had to figure this all out for myself.

I did figure it out but it would have been so much easier with help.

But nobody was there.

Nobody is there still.

“You might as well give up.”

Well.

I’m here.

For you.

That’s why I’m here.

“Don’t give up.”

I want you to know that someone is here.

You don’t have to go it alone.

These questions are too important to be left in the dark.

I want to be the person who talks about what everybody else won’t talk about. I want to be vulnerable about my own past and my own love life and my own relationship desires.

I want you to know there is at least someone you can talk to.

Someone who will listen.

Someone who will understand.

Someone who can give you some guidance, and help you find the relationship options that are right for you.

“Don’t give up.”

I’m here to tell you that love is not just some crazy thing that happens to you. It isn’t something completely beyond your control. When it fades there is still something you can do about it.

It is actually subject to reason and rationality and can be understood.

Just like every other phenonemon in life.

Yes emotions are felt not thought.

But they CAN be understood.

Romantic love is the most beautiful, fulfilling thing you will ever experience in your life.

And it is indeed about how you feel.

But it is also inherently tied to how you think.

It can be understood.

You can take concrete actions that make sense, to shape the form it takes in your life.

If you understand it.

I want to help you understand romantic love, so you can enjoy it fully in your own life too.

That’s why I’m here.

I’m here for you.

“Don’t give up.”

How do you feel? Will you let me help you understand so you don’t give up on love?