I talk a lot about loving with an open hand.
About not having expectations.
That anything you receive from your lover?
You should see it as a gift.
At first blush this might lead you to believe I’m telling you that you shouldn’t have any boundaries. If you do what I’m saying, aren’t you inviting your partner to walk all over you?
Obviously that doesn’t sound good.
You should never become anybody’s doormat.
When you’re a people pleaser?
More than most?
You are liable to fall into that trap.
But having no expectations isn’t the same thing as not having boundaries. When you don’t expect anything from your partner, you are actually respecting their boundaries “carte blanche.”
If you don’t expect anything from your partner?
You’re not going to do anything they’re not wanting.
You can both give of yourselves as you wish.
You’re both welcome to hold anything back.
What I’m describing is what psychologist Willard Harley calls the Policy of Joint Agreement. “Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between your partner and you.”
Take this approach to love?
You don’t need to respect your partner’s boundaries.
You’re already inherently doing so.
And if you truly love your partner?
This only makes sense.
Romantic Friendships come with this idea built in, because they are solely about romantic connection. Since romantic love is the desire for MUTUAL enjoyment, you only do what you both feel is okay.
Of course as always?
This puts you in the driver’s seat.
You need to be honest with your partner.
Your partner can’t do this for you.
You have to take responsibility.
If you don’t communicate what you’re willing to share, you can’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. If you agree to something you don’t really want, you’ve got no right to be resentful after the fact.
Romantic love is all about the value of the individual.
If it is going to work for the two of you?
You need to affirm both your partner and yourself.
You do this by loving your partner with an open hand.
You receive what they are willing to give.
You give what you’re willing to give back.
What do you think? Do you need to respect your partner’s boundaries, or do you just need to drop all your expectations, and love each other as you both freely share yourselves?
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