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You Don’t Have To Do Anything To Make Your Love Life Work

Today a vlogger I follow sent an update.

It was called How To Keep A Girl Interested In You.

When I read this title?

I realized something interesting.

Of all the blog posts I’ve written on this site over the past few years, a lot of them have been about “how to do this” or “how to do that.”

Here is just a smattering of those posts:

How To Choose The Right Romantic Partner

How To Find Love Tonight

How To Find The Perfect Girl

How To Make Sure He Never Cheats

How To Really Get Swept Off Your Feet

How To Solve The Battle Of The Sexes

And of course my key blog posts series:

How To Be The Coolest Girl In His Life

As I thought about all these blog posts though, something stood out to me I never realized. Despite all these various “how to” posts, I’m very rarely talking about technique at all.

That’s because I don’t really believe love is about DOING.

Love is about BEING.

Being with your partner.

SHARING yourselves with each other.

When your focus is truly romantic love?

Loving comes quite naturally.

Only when your focus is something else?

That’s when love loses its way completely.

What you really need to come to learn about love, is ENVIRONMENT is everything. It is when you clear the way for ONLY love, that love really starts to flourish.

What do I mean by environment?

The space where love can BE.

Usually you clutter that space with everything else.

And then wonder why love won’t grow.

The first environmental factor love needs to grow, is generous amounts of time. The more time you can set aside from “real life” just for you two, the more love is going to flourish.

UNDIVIDED attention time.

That is the ground within which true love always grows.

Time when your partner and you are alone.

Focusing solely on each other.

You should shoot for a minimum of 3 hours every time.

What do you do with all that time?

Whatever your hearts desire!

Intimacy is built by sharing yourselves, not doing specific things.

What matters is you experience positive feelings together.

The second environmental factor love needs to grow is intimate conversation. You should be sharing how you feel about life and each other, by talking about a whole lot more than the weather.

The idea is you want to know each other.

What really makes each other tick.

The things that are bringing you joy right now.

Make you feel like life’s worth living.

What you don’t want to do with these special times?

Focus on the kids, or logistics and financial woes.

Avoid all the negative challenges just now.

Make your love life a complete OASIS.

An escape from life and its troubles.

The third environmental factor love needs to grow, is the constant expression of affection. You should be showing your partner in every way you can, that you really do love them with all your heart.

Again, what you do is not important.

You can do this any way that is natural to you.

Holding hands.


Giving gifts.

Doing special things for each other.

Telling your partner every day that you love them.

Showing how much you care.

The point is to create an environment for love

Where you affirm each other all the time.

Love tends to whither unless you water it.

So water it every day.

The fourth and final environmental factor love needs to grow, is physical intimacy together. Taking the time to truly make love without rushing it, or going for “just sex” and having a goal of orgasm.

The point of making love again?

It’s just to BE.

Be with each other.

The point is connection, not orgasm or “getting off.”

Learn to prolong love making together.

Rich, luxurious touch.

Really exploring each other’s bodies.

Every time is different.

Sexual fulfillment is an endless journey.

As John Mayer says, “Your body is a wonderland!”

If you really want to have a worthwhile love life, these four environmental factors should be a part of every time you get together. These truly are what BEING in love is all about.

You might notice something else right now.

This is ALL that Romantic Friendships are.

The reason I always say Romantic Friendships are best?

They consist of love’s environment and NOTHING ELSE.

But you can do this even if you live together.

Even if you are monogamously married.

It just takes a whole lot more work to do it.

If marriage is your situation you should prioritize a MINIMUM of 15 hours a week for this.

Can’t do that?

Then your love will suffer.

It will probably wither and die.

What I wish for you though is that you prioritize love.

That’s what I do myself now..

How about you? Are you willing to stop trying this technique or that technique, and start creating the environment for love to flourish and grow?

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