A lot of dating advice for you introverted guys?
It says you have to develop confidence to attract girls.
Everywhere you look you see this same advice being touted.
You need to become an “alpha male.”
What girls go for is “high status” guys who show they can take on the world. Girls want a guy who is a leader.
Yada. Yada. Yada.
I know what you’re thinking.
“Kel, you’ve said the same thing yourself.”
I understand why you think this.
Very early on in this blog I claimed that for girls, attraction consists of responding to a guy’s confidence, charm, and ability to lead.
I even pointed out how shallow this makes girls too.
So why now would I be saying the exact opposite now?
Well, actually, I’m not.
Everything I said before is true but it still doesn’t mean you have to be that confident alpha male everybody is telling you to be.
Because confidence (and charm and leadership) are relative terms.
I’m in basic okay physical shape but I’m not a very buff guy at all.
So I’m not confident when it comes to the kinds of things those guys are good at.
You won’t find me arm wrestling or competing in weight lifting competitions.
Though I used to play sports in high school, I soon learned that wasn’t where my strengths lie either. So I learned to focus on other things more in keeping with my apptitudes.
I know a lot about business and how it works.
I have been self-employed for years.
I can “run with the wolves” a lot better there.
I definitely can’t walk into a club and have all the “bounce off the walls” girls falling all over me.
Because I don’t exude the kind of Bad Boy energy those girls are after.
But put me in a conversational context where my inteligence can shine and there are girls there who find that attractive? Suddenly I’m the guy to get to know.
I remember meeting a girl at my friend’s church one time.
She took immediate attraction to me.
“It’s rare to find a guy with a brain.” she said
Though I suspect she’s just not hanging out in the right places?
I understand what she was getting at.
I’ve often kidded that we ought to put signs outside the doors of our churches that read, “Please check brains here before entering.”
I hope you’re starting to get the picture here.
Confidence, charm, and the ability to lead?
It is always relative to the context.
Those muscle boys?
They are not going to do well amidst a group of intellectuals where the girls are sapiosexual.
Same thing goes for guys who lack in spiritual development with those yoga girls.
You have your own areas where you’re strong.
As an introverted guy you are hugely strong at depth.
A lot of girls love depth!
At least the girls who matter.
While those hotties may stir your blood a bit, how long could you last with a valley girl anyway?
Get where the girls who value what you value are, and your confidence will immediately shine.
Because you REALLY ARE good at what they love!
Another thing about girls desiring confidence, charm and the ability to lead is this:
You don’t have to be more confident than all the other guys.
You just need to be more confident than HER.
What a girl is attracted to is a guy who makes up for what she thinks she lacks.
Attraction in a girl says, “Wow he’s more intelligent than me.”
“He’s able to lead me in the relationship.”
“I can trust him to take care of me.”
You don’t need to lead anywhere else than with her.
Just be confident enough to give her a sense she can be comfortable with you.
Obviously depending on the type of girl you “go for,” you’ll have to adapt to the situation.
If you insist on landing a hottie who’s haughty then yes, the confidence bar is much greater and all that alpha male nonsense applies.
But who wants a relationship with someone who thinks she’s God’s gift to men anyway?
The more insecure hottie is a bit less of a challenge.
Since she already doubts herself about everything, the bar isn’t quite so high.
Your problem there though is you’re too intimidated by how hot she looks.
You don’t even realize the edge you have on her already.
But let’s assume you get past that hurdle.
Don’t underestimate the emotional maintenance you’ll be subject to.
These girls need endless reassurance.
But when it comes to those more introverted sweet girls I talked about who don’t put on quite the show? You really have got this!
And they will appreciate you all the more.
Because you come up to the plate.
Show them you’re game to get to know them.
That’s what those girls really want.
Like I said, they want DEPTH.
Real confidence is just a normal, introverted guy like you being yourself and genuinely seeking to meet girls on the same level.
You can call that “needing to be confident” if you want.
I just call it playing to your strengths.
It is just finally realizing you already have what it takes.
You can definitely land a nice, easy relationship.
You just have to find a girl who’s looking for the same thing.
What do you think guys? Is that bar a little lower than you thought it was?