Let me square with you.
I’m playing with you just a bit with this blog post title.
The fact is if you really love someone?
You DO love them unconditionally.
If you love someone for what you can GET from them then you’re really just loving yourself aren’t you? So to say you love someone as long as they do X is to say you don’t love them at all.
Even though this is the case?
It’s still true.
You can’t unconditionally love your lover.
The reason for this is the nature of romantic love.
It has a particular condition built in.
If you review my definition?
You’ll notice romantic love is always reciprocal.
Desiring sexual fulfillment and emotional connection yes.
But specifically when this is MUTUALLY shared and enjoyed.
If either you or your lover isn’t with the program of sharing these two things together? You are no longer in a romantic relationship now because one of you is just biding your time.
Sadly most romantic relationships end up here.
That’s why the story of monogamy is so disappointing.
Couples start out with the best of intentions.
But they just can’t make good on the plan.
As I’ve shared with you over and over now?
That’s because the monogamy plan is inherently defective.
Romantic love always ends up dying when you subject your love to it.
So if romantic love is not unconditional does this mean you need to insist on it? Do you need to require your partner to fulfill your needs?
Not at all!
You can never make anybody love you if they don’t already.
All you can do is OFFER yourself.
Then see if they offer themselves in return.
If they don’t?
You don’t try to MAKE them love you.
You go find somebody else who will love you instead.
As you can probably tell what I just recommended doesn’t work very well for monogamy. The whole idea behind monogamy is you are both SUPPOSED to live happily ever after together is it not?
The problem though is happiness?
It is a state of being that is really a consequence.
When you live your life in a fulfilling way?
You experience happiness when you do!
When you’re not feeling fulfilled?
That’s is when you aren’t happy.
Expecting your lover to fulfill you though?
It’s a losing proposition from the start.
Though romantic love is always mutual it can never be unconditional. Even so you can’t do anything directly to make it be that way.
Becoming needy will just drive your lover away.
So once again my recommendation?
Opt for Romantic Friendships.
Feel free to love whoever you desire.
Let your lover do this too!
Contrary to your fears this will NOT result in your lover leaving you. It will actually allow your love the room it needs to breathe.
When you do this?
Now your lover can love you unconditionally.
The reason why?
Because now you are loving THEM unconditionally too.
So what do you think? Are you ready to just let go of your lover so they become free to truly love you?