I didn’t have the heart to tell him.
It’s so hard when I’m speaking with someone.
Face to face?
It’s never my desire to be negative about anyone’s choices.
Up to that point the discussion had been strictly academic. He asked me what I do and I shared the things I write about here.
When did the first tell tale signs appear?
When he subtly questioned my conclusions.
That moment of rationalization.
People just have different values don’t they?
He told me he has a girlfriend so I started to probe the situation. “How long have you been together? Oh 10 years? You must be doing something right!” I said.
Then he made the fatal mistake.
The one only GUYS are susceptible to.
He said, “I know I’m reliable.”
“If I commit to a girl I will be faithful to her.”
Translation?
“I’m a guy and as a guy I am capable of maintaining something I commit to. Even though the statistics for long term monogamy are grim I’ll still be that small exception to the rule.”
Sounds so logical doesn’t it?
What could possibly go wrong here?
Aren’t you forgetting one thing junior?
You will be marrying a GIRL won’t you?
It doesn’t matter how logical or reliable or faithful YOU are. You’ll be throwing all your eggs in the basket of a fundamentially emotional creature.
When you do that?
Logic doesn’t apply.
It now becomes all about her feelings.
When those feelings shift on her?
And they WILL.
What she “committed” to won’t matter any more.
At that point no amount of logic will save your situation. She’s not done with you for rational reasons. She just doesn’t feel “in love” with you any more.
At that point the sex will drop off.
The children will have her affection.
These are the realities of monogamy.
How it inevitably breaks down.
So what are you supposed to do to prevent this situation? How do you avoid this complete demise of your love for each other?
Do what is best for you.
And best for her too.
Don’t marry her in the first place.
Don’t commit to her.
Commit to LOVE.
Have a romantic friendship with her instead.
How about you? Do you recognize now that if you really love her you can’t give her what she’s asking for and if you want your love to last you have to do things very differently?
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