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With Stats Like These…

So I got a dose of statistics today.

It was from the world renowned Gottman Institute.

It was all about the challenges your relationship faces.


It was pretty grim.

The first statistic was how by 5-6 years, most couples are buried in “The Four Horsemen of Marriage.” By that point you spend most of your time in criticism, contempt, defensiveness…and stonewalling each other.

When do you usually seek help?

After the 6 year point in your relationship.

In other words, you wait until you’re in so deep?

Its like trying to turn around the Titanic.

As time goes on you end up majoring in emotional withdrawal. When you do discuss your differences, you show each other no affection or empathy.

By year 7 you’re usually through.

Here come those 50% divorce statistics.

The likelihood that will be you?

It’s certain…unless you do something differently.

Unfortunately the Gottmans say 69% of your conflicts are about unresolvable, perpetual problems. 16% of these perpetual problems are so bad, they’ll keep you gridlocked all the time.

Think that adding kids will help?

They only exacerbate the problems.

What do 67% of new parents report?

A drop in couple satisfaction in the first 3 years of baby’s new life!

I suspect by now you’ve heard the phrase, “With friends like these who needs enemies?” The more you look at the statistical realities of monogamy the phrase, “With stats like these…” seems more appropriate.

If you’re not quite getting the message yet?

Monogamy is not JUST very challenging.

Statistically it’s a non-starter.

With high probability it will NOT work out for you.

But all those unresolvable, perpetual problems that produce gridlock in your relationship? They completely disappear if you opt instead for Romantic Friendships..

Because you don’t live together?

Because you’re not trying to “build a life?”

Not only do you get to enjoy rich, fulfilling romantic love?

You get to maintain your independence as well!

How about you? Do you still want to roll the dice and hope those statistics play in your favor, or are you ready to go for Romantic Friendships now and get those statistics working for you?

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