I’ve finally come to grips with it.
The delusion I’ve been under is slowly coming to light.
I thought I was capable of loving more than one girl in my life.
But this meme on my Facebook feed showed me the error of my ways:
“If a man loves a woman’s soul, he’ll end up loving one woman but if he loves a woman’s face, all the women in the world won’t satisfy him.”
Now I realize my mistake.
You see for the longest time I didn’t feel anything at all.
I suppressed my feelings and couldn’t connect with my long term partner.
Until she finally had enough.
When I found out she was leaving me?
It was my wake up call.
I searched my soul to figure out what had gone wrong.
Why had I lived all those years unable to truly be with her?
Why was it I couldn’t really sincerely feel?
Why did I avoid connecting with her?
Why instead did I chase those pretty faces?
And the bodies I found in online porn?
Finally I discovered what it was. I was actually afraid of intimacy.
That distance I built between her and myself?
It was just a barricade so real love couldn’t get in.
Wouldn’t hurt me.
Drain me of my lifeblood.
I faced my fears of opening up and overcame my avoidance of love.
So much so that now I’m not afraid of connecting with you girls at all.
I’m not afraid of the power your sexuality and allure have any more.
I’m no longer locked in the solitude of my self made loneliness.
I’ve moved into a new world where instead of all that fear?
I experience a boundless love.
I find each of you truly unique and special!
You are a world of wonder and adventure to enjoy!
Endless desire and delight just waiting to be explored!
In the past I would have felt the need to cling to you jealously.
To make sure you were mine.
Trapping you in the cage of my own insecurity.
But all that has changed now.
Now I find myself capable of simply loving you.
I have no need to possess you anymore.
Because I don’t NEED you?
Now I’m free to WANT you.
I love you for who you really are.
Now I just desire to love you. To hold you. To comfort you and be there for you…and have you simply love me in return.
Or so I thought…
But now I’ve seen the error of my ways.
This Facebook meme has shown it to me clearly.
I can’t really be as free to love you as I thought.
I have to be mistaken right?
If I think I love you but love someone else as well, it must be that old lust again that never gets enough of me. It can’t be true love for you if you are not the only one.
Because who can love more than one person’s soul at the same time?
Surely that’s impossible?
I must just be deluding myself.
Wanting her pretty face.
Or the ego boost I experience while she’s clinging to my arm.
There is no end to this seeking for another pretty face.
There is something about a girl that when you really come to love her soul, you cannot love another’s soul as well.
That must be true.
I read it on Facebook!
Now if I could just convince my heart…
What do you think? Are you sure you can’t love more than one girl (or guy)?
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