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Why Exclusive Relationships Don’t Work

Yes “exclusive” is just another word for monogamy.

Why did I choose the alternative today?

For purposes of emphasis.

Your desire for exclusivity is WHY your love life always fails you.

I woke up from a dream today that brought this whole thing into focus. I was with a girl who was asking me what “special things” I had planned for our date.

I reacted in total RECOIL.

“What am I? A circus monkey?”

“I don’t have anything special planned.”

“Why don’t you just want to spend time with ME?”

If this girl was with a completely different guy the situation would likely also have been completely different. A friend of mine and I discussed our differences on this at great length.

Is there anything wrong with “romancing” a girl?

Of course not!

As long as it is YOU to do so.

It can be a special part of building your emotional connection with her.

But what this clearly shows you is you can’t force someone to be what they are NOT for you. If you don’t value who they actually are what are you doing with them?

Where you get into trouble though?

You start out appreciating your partner for what you value in them.

But when you discover aspects about them you DON’T value?

You think they are not “compatible” with you.

These kinds of compatibility issues are not a problem unless you insist on being EXCLUSIVE. You have lots of friends you share some things in common with and other things you don’t.

When this happens do you try to change your friend?

Make him or her like everything YOU like?

Don’t you just enjoy what you have in common with them?

Then go and enjoy those other things with some other friend instead?

But once you make your romantic relationship exclusive now you’ve got a problem. Since this is the only person you’re supposed to love now they have to be EVERYTHING.

But of course they aren’t everything.

Not unless you both speak all the same love languages.

To make it work now?

One or both of you has to change who you actually ARE.

This is a very clear reason why Romantic Friendships work where exclusivity doesn’t. You value and enjoy your romantic friend for what you share in common and don’t need to worry about the rest.

Because you’re together for what you value?

Your love life is totally EASY.

Since you enjoy different things about each romantic friend?

Nobody needs to change for anyone else.

What do you think? Is there really value in finding someone who wants to love you exclusively or could this very desire of yours be why you keep thinking your relationships have to end?

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