She came to me on someone’s recommend.
She was experiencing a conundrum.
It seems her guy was viewing porn.
She wanted to know what to do.
One thing I’ll say for this girl though, is she was definitely the exception. She wasn’t asking me how to make him stop, but whether or not she should be concerned about it.
Whether or not?
Really?
Isn’t the answer a foregone conclusion?
Of course she should be concerned right?
How could their relationship possibly be okay if he was doing this?
But this girl was smarter than that, because she knew her partner and her were connective. Their overall relationship was really great except for this ONE thing, which she just wasn’t sure about.
She was married in the past.
Widowed now.
Her husband had never had this “problem.”
Because of that experience?
She wasn’t sure how to look at this current situation.
Most relationship coaches would tell you if you have a problem with it, then it IS a problem. Your feelings matter so if you aren’t good with it, he should definitely quit viewing it.
I take a different approach.
I ask about the state of the relationship.
If his porn use isn’t making him avoid you?
Disconnect from you?
Why are you actually concerned?
Of course the real answer often is because of your own insecurities. You feel like he’s looking at all these other girls, because he isn’t satisfied with YOU.
It’s totally valid to feel what you feel of course.
Never deny your feelings.
But do the rest of his actions match your worries?
If he’s making love?
If he’s emotionally connecting with you?
He’s showing you that’s NOT true isn’t he?
I know it is hard for you girls to understand, but guys are simply very sexual. No matter how much your partner enjoys connecting with you, he likely just enjoys viewing porn too.
So what should you do if you catch him viewing porn?
Not a thing!
Okay.
Maybe chill out a bit.
But unless he’s really pulled away from you?
Your relationship is still good.
That’s what matters.
What do you think? Does your feeling insecure about his porn consumption mean that it’s a problem, or is it just revealing emotional insecurities in yourself that still need healing?
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