Despite my definition of romantic love?
I have not defined its two elements clearly.
Sexual fulfillment AND emotional connection.
If your love lacks either of these you’re in trouble.
In this post I intend to make up for this lack by talking about sexual fulfillment. I will follow up with a second post where I take up the subject of emotional connection.
Because romantic love merges these two things?
As you’ll see they impact each other.
Sexual fulfillment is more than “just sex.”
Emotional connection is more than “just friends.”
To understand what sexual fulfillment is you need to understand your biological programming. As a mammal you have two distinct ways you can experience your sexuality.
Reproductive sexual attraction is dopamine based.
It is obsessive as opposed to harmonious.
This Psychology Today article describes the difference.
You guys are addicted to being “out for sex.”
You girls are addicted to being swept off your feet “romantically.”
While obsessive reproductive sex is fun at the start it is not fulfilling in the long run. Much of the disharmony in relationships today is a failure to evolve past chasing dopamine to enjoying oxytocin.
Oxytocin-based sex comes from rich touch.
When you make love it is all about your connection.
You keep things in the cool zone.
You seek to just BE with each other.
Sexual fulfillment is sex that flows from your emotional bond and through slow luxurious intercourse perpetuates your love continually.
As a guy it is very hard to learn this lesson.
Your natural sexual addiction keeps you wanting to “get off.”
But eventually your partner tires of this.
As an emotional creature she desires something deeper.
She wants you to take more time with her.
Sexual fulfillment comes to you both when you learn to merge your sexual and emotional natures. You do this by shifting from obsessive “exciting” sex toward sex that focuses on more intimate connection.
How does this look for you as a guy?
Instead of seeking orgasms?
You focus on giving her pleasure.
Taking the time to richly caress her.
Discovering all her hidden delicious erogenous responses.
When I first heard about this form of love making my response was, “What’s the fun in that?” I couldn’t grasp the value of hours of lovemaking over being a 10 second wonder.
Trust me on this.
You don’t know what you don’t know.
You want your girl to sexually pursue you?
Take the time to fulfill her first.
She will be jumping you and not get enough of you.
This doesn’t mean orgasms are completely off the table it just means you keep things cooler. You let them come when they come and stop feeling the need to endlessly pursue them.
Enter love making without “the goal.”
Make it about BEING with your partner.
Do what you do and see.
Explore each other.
What you’ll find is sexual fulfillment?
It comes when you’re not looking for it.
Need a little help figuring this all out?
What are you waiting for?
Please message me!
What do you think? Can the two of you finally understand what a rich world your sexuality has waiting for you?