I was reading a newsletter from a dating coach today.
She was talking about the key to relationships working out.
She told of how couples are constantly amazed.
How good their relationship started and then it fell apart.
How could this be?
What went wrong?
What could they have done differently?
She then began to talk about couples “who make it” and how they have a few things in common. She said the two common denominators is they are always authentic and adventurous.
What does that mean?
It means they are always themselves.
They never try to say where their relationship must go.
Just getting to know someone.
Without being attached to the outcome at all!
As I read her advice I found myself hearing her say something I’m pretty sure she really wasn’t saying. I heard her saying you can fall in love without needing happily ever after.
I know. I know.
Mr Non-Monogamy here.
We always hear what we WANT to hear don’t we?
But actually that’s not it in this case.
It’s a matter of logic actually.
You see if you wan’t to be outcome independent?
You can’t INSIST where things must go.
And that is exactly what monogamy does.
It insists there can only be “one.”
Otherwise you’re not “meant to be” together.
But what if you’re not meant to be with only this one person or not meant to be with them forever? What if you’re just meant to be with this person and that is all?
What if they’re not the only one?
What if you’re also meant to be with others?
“Oh no!” you say.
“That CAN’T be.”
Where is that “sense of adventure” of yours?
Are you willing to admit you’ve experienced love before for someone you knew you could never be married to long term?
When you’re talking long term monogamy?
It’s a totally different game.
What you’re needing is someone you could live with 24/7.
Someone you could trust with your finances.
Someone capable of raising kids.
Someone who won’t leave and leave you devastated.
The fact is what you always fail to recognize is that when you want monogamy you’re not looking for love. You’re looking for a reliable business partner who can do the JOB.
Yes you’d like them to love you too.
But that’s not one of the REAL prerequisites.
Being in love is not in the real job description.
Which is actually a really good thing.
Because what the statistics show?
Eventually you won’t love each other anyway.
But if you pick the right business partner?
They could still get the real job done.
Which is running a household and raising children!
I know you don’t like it when I put things this way but this is the true reality. You probably aren’t meant to be together for the long run at least not the way you want.
But you may still be meant to be in love.
Even if you know you couldn’t live together.
You can know this by the fact you love each other.
So why not just go with THAT?
Be your authentic selves.
Explore your connection with a true sense of adventure.
Leave all those expectations behind.
Just see where it all goes.
You might surprise yourself and end up with a partner who is in your life for the long run anyway. Even though they don’t live with you and you don’t raise children together at all.
They are in your life not because they have to be.
It’s because they want to be.
Because they want YOU.
Instead of just wanting some fantastical monogamy dream?
They want what the two of you already have now.
If you just lighten up and open yourself up to love I know that you’ll surprise yourself.
You’ll come to see how simple love can be.
How easy without the unnecessary trappings.
That’s what Romantic Friendships are.
Love without the baggage.
What do you think? Is it possible that person could be meant to be in your life even though they’re not meant to be your “one and only” forever?