So I’ve got a bit different angle for you introverted guys to think about today.
Sort of the opposite of when I said sometimes it sucks to be me.
It struck me because of an experience I had.
I was shopping for some groceries as I am often wont to do.
I spied a really cute Asian girl in the aisles. A friend of mine says I must have a thing for Asian girls, because I always seem to be running across one who catches my eye.
Don’t know about that but here I was.
Finding this girl real cute.
But I’m also not a creeper so I’m really careful about just approaching girls in public these days.
Until I have a feel for how they seem, I take things real slow.
I walked by her in the aisle and just enjoyed my attraction and left it at that. I think I might have briefly made eye contact.
I can’t remember now.
But I went on my way and continued to shop.
Then lo and behold there she was again in the same aisle as me.
I debated saying, “Are you following me?” and giving her a wink.
Instead I just looked at her with full eye contact and smiled. That’s all. Just a smile.
But it was a warm and sincere smile.
I talked about this the other day.
How you can really make somebody’s day just by smiling warm at them.
By this time though, I was definitely feeling that desire to strike up a convo.
And the anxiety that always arises with that desire.
I moved on and went to the till to make my purchase. Glancing back to the aisles I couldn’t see her anywhere.
“Oh well,” I thought.
“Guess that’s another missed chance to see where things could go.”
After I finished paying for my stuff I headed out the door.
Who do you think was standing there on the sidewalk?
You got it.
Cute little Asian girl!
It was really bizarre too because it was almost like she was waiting there until I walked out the door.
Then she moved over to a bench beside the walkway.
As if positioning herself to be approachable.
What did I do with that possibility?
Yet again all those thoughts went streaming through my head. “She couldn’t really be interested in me!” and “She’ll probably think I’m creepy!”
Yada. Yada. Yada.
So instead of walking over and just saying, “Hey! What’s your name” in a friendly voice?
I walked (not so) merrily on my way.
The biggest thing I hate about these experiences?
It’s not knowing how it might have gone.
All I needed to do was find out if she found me attractive. It would only take a moment. But instead I chose the “(un)comfortable” route and carried on with my day.
As I was riding away on the bus though?
Something suddenly struck me.
It’s never struck me before.
What if I was right?
What if she REALLY HAD waited there at the door until I came out?
What if she REALLY DID move to the side of the walkway, hoping I’d approach her and say hello? What if I had let HER down?
Never really thought about that before, have you?
You’re so focused on how YOU feel.
Worried that YOU’LL be “rejected.”
You never really think about HER.
Society leaves her in the unfortunate position of thinking that she can’t approach you herself. Not even if she’s really interested.
Instead she has to wait.
Play this game of “seeming open.”
And everytime she hopes you will take her up on her offer?
You walk away instead.
Worried how her potential rejection is going to make YOU feel.
Maybe this one will help you overcome that fear in yourself. Next time imagine that she’s standing there just wishing you’d approach her. That you’d do what she can’t do.
How do you know if she is?
APPROACH HER and you’ll find out!
Don’t let her down.
Give her the chance to get to know the great guy you are!
What do you think? Would it help you to focus on how she might just be glad if you invited her across that divide?
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