It is a question I often pondered.

The only experience I had with sex?

It was getting off to porn by myself.

Nothing about love in that one!

Even when I later married, and was given my Christian “license to screw” as a friend called it? I found it to be a smelly, messy experience and I didn’t really see the point of it.

It didn’t help that I couldn’t last of course.

Yep.

I was also a premature ejaculator.

Needless to say when it came to sex?

I was quite a mess.

Sadly this situation didn’t improve, and I spent most of my long term relationship as a sexual avoider. Back then if I had my choice you could wipe sex off the map, and I wouldn’t have missed it.

Though it took me many years?

And almost losing that relationship?

I finally addressed this problem.

Typical of me?

I RESEARCHED sex and making love.

I found those answers and came to see that when it comes to sex, I wasn’t the only one with a problem. Even people who were out there experiencing sex, didn’t understand it themselves.

Most guys?

They are just naturally sexually addicted.

All they want is to get in your pants.

Wham! Bam! Thank you mam!

Ask them if they know how to MAKE LOVE instead of just have sex, and they’ll stare at you like you’re some kind of alien who just landed here.

Okay.

Some of them “think” they know.

But what any girl can tell you?

Even those guys are clueless about really making love.

Contrary to popular opinion, making love is not the same as “having sex” with someone. Having sex is just a biological function, but making love BONDS the two of you.

Making love?

It’s not just about giving each other orgasms.

On the contrary?

When you really make love?

It doesn’t matter if you orgasm or not.

Once I overcame my porn addiction, all of this became quite clear to me. When I stopped needing to chase that dopamine hit, I was able to slow down and take my time making love with my partner.

Suddenly before my eyes?

Sex was transformed forever into love making.

Joining with my partner?

It’s an experience of spiritual union with her.

No, this doesn’t mean I never experience orgasms, but I do now frequently pass on them. When I’m making love I often choose not to orgasm, so I can be present with my partner instead.

This shift I made?

It was from dopamine to oxytocin.

Oxytocin is the LOVE neurotransmiter.

You experience it through rich luxurious touch.

Slowly caressing and exploring your partner’s body.

That is the way to ecstacy.

How about you? Have you ever pondered this question and wondered if it could have a more meaningful answer than the one you’ve been experiencing, and if you’ve never thought about this isn’t it time you do?