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What Are Romantic Friendships?

This entry is part 1 of 1 in the series What Are Romantic Friendships?

I’ve been trying to figure something out.

How do I best explain what I’m recommending?

When I say I do relationship consulting I’m often asked,

“And what do you think guys and girls should be doing?”

At a meetup recently when this question was posed I replied, “My advice is a bit unconventional.” When I added to this, “I advocate a form of polyamory” the guy who asked got completely triggered.


Because as I’ve said before?

That’s not REALLY what I’m promoting.

Because I’m all about romantic love?

I’m all about Romantic Friendships!

So let’s wind history back a bit here and visualize how that conversation might have gone had I replied instead, “I recommend Romantic Friendships.”.

He replies, “What are Romantic Friendships?”

“They are friendships based around a romantic connection.”

“You mean like a girlfriend?”

“Not exactly.”

“You’re just friends who are also lovers.”

Of course at this point his confusion starts to grow and he tries to put what I’m saying into a category he is more familiar with.

“Oh so what you’re talking about is ‘friends with benefits?'”


“That’s just about sex.”

“Romantic friends share deep emotional connection as well.”

At this point the wires in his brain are likely fusing but he still wants to understand me. “So are you saying that you can be lovers with more than one person?”

“That’s right!”

“But how could you do that?”

“Just like you can have more than one non-romantic friendship.”

“You connect for what you value in each other.”

“You value each other as lovers as well.”

As I help him pick his gray matter off the floor I explain to him this is not about collecting relationships. “Just like you don’t normally run around collecting friends you don’t do that with romantic friends either.”

“You just explore connections and see where they go.”

“When you experience romance you embrace it.”

“Your romantic friends do the same thing too.”

“You all enjoy romantic connections wherever you find them.”

So what do you think? Would I have more luck with this approach than just telling someone I advocate for a form of polyamory?

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