I’ve had some experiences lately.

They have really brought something into focus.

What’s that?

How in your relationships what is very important?

Always truly give yourself unconditionally.

You must give yourself to your partner with no “strings attached.” No agenda to receive from them. If you try to “get” you will not receive what you desire. Love must be held with an open hand always.

What brought this into focus for me?

A couple business experiences.

First I met a new friend at a business function.

When a very sales oriented individual took over?

Began pushing his agenda?

I became very uncomfortable.

This person came up to me afterwards and expressed his belief that what is important is not all the business hype but the actual relationships.

He said he could tell I’m a genuine relationships guy like him.

So we connected through social media.

But then it happened.

When it was time to go and he thanked me for connecting.

He finished with, “Let’s do business!”

We were barely beginning to relate and connect on a personal level. Yet still his “business instincts” told him to pitch to me.

Another person did something similar too.

They connected with me after a year of silence.

Out of the blue I received a friend request.

I was very pleased.

My memories of this person were very positive.

I thought it would be nice to reconnect and catch up.

Yet right in the middle of a pleasant personal interaction? The business pitch appeared out of no where again. We couldn’t just reconnect and restore the time we’d lost.

Often without realizing it?

You do this with your partner too.

Because you want something from them.

It could be an emotional need you think is not being met.

Or some action you think they should be performing.

So you PRETEND to be loving them so they will do it for you.

And your partner feels betrayed also.

If there is a problem with distance or disconnection you should make this the direct topic of a loving, careful conversation. You should not use “love” to manipulate your partner to do what you want them to.

When Pat Benatar sang, “Don’t use sex as a weapon?”

She could have sang, “Don’t use LOVE as a weapon.” also.

Always love your partner with no strings attached.

If you really want love?

The worst thing you can do is try to “give” love to get it.

How about you? Can you think of ways you’ve made this mistake in the past and will you commit to yourself from now on to never do it?