If you’re anything like ME?
You’re TIRED of online dating.
It’s such a GRIND.
If you’re a girl?
You have this endless inbox to TRUDGE through.
If you’re a guy?
You have to spend your time HELPING FILL those inboxes.
Seldom do girls approach YOU as a guy.
Even when they DO?
I think you get the picture. Despite all of online dating’s claim to FAME it doesn’t often deliver the goods in terms of what you’re really LOOKING for.
But what ARE you looking for?
Have you ever thought about THAT?
Of course your dating coaches?
They keep telling you that you HAVE TO figure that out.
Draw up your LIST.
Figure out your DEAL BREAKERS.
Then go out there and try to FIND the guy of your dreams.
I guess that IS primarily advice given to you girls. A guy isn’t usually after the perfect match because a guy usually has much LOWER aspirations regarding “where this is going.”
If you’re a guy the game plan is much, much SIMPLER.
Is she HOT?
Could you KISS that face?
How many dates will it TAKE to get to sex?
I’m RIGHT guys aren’t I?
You just aren’t trying to FIGURE OUT if she’s “the one.”
Okay a few of you introverted guys have a BIT more going for you.
But you get the PICTURE.
Guys and girls are wired so DIFFERENT on all of this today.
I like to take CHANGE IT UP a bit when meeting people online. Instead of trying to find someone to date I just try to CONNECT instead.
What’s wrong with getting to KNOW a girl?
Just to see where it will GO?
I do this pretty REGULARLY on Facebook.
You know how Facebook SUGGESTS people to you?
Yes, yes “people you MAY know.”
Well I just check out those PROFILES.
If I see a girl who INTRIGUES me?
I send her a FRIEND REQUEST.
I did this just this week and prompty sent her a PRIVATE message. It was nothing special just a quick hello thanking her for the ADD.
Then I said, “So how’s your WEEK going?”
What was the RESULT?
She messaged me back saying it was BUSY.
Then she asked, “Just wondering how you found me and WHY you added me, by the way.”
“Facebook recommended your profile and you looked INTERESTING.”
“You’re a nice combo of CUTE and entrepreneurial.” (Which she was.)
“Would love to explore a connection if you’d be OPEN!”
Do you notice what I did and what I didn’t do there? First I indicated she is ATTRACTIVE to me. Not just physically attractive and cute but also INTERESTING because she’s a business person.
One thing girls DEFINITELY want?
To be appreciated for more than just their LOOKS.
They do want to know you LIKE that though.
But they want you to recognize they have MORE on offer.
The other thing I did is I left things a bit NEBULOUS.
It didn’t imply I’m IN LOVE with her yet.
Nor that it isn’t a POSSIBLITY.
I just introduced a little INTRIGUE into the conversation that will hopefully make her curious. I say hopefully because I’m writing this without yet KNOWING the result.
As you know I EXPERIMENT all the time.
With the WHOLE dating game?
I’m always trying to BREAK the code.
Get out of the TYPICAL mode.
As an INTJ I am ANYTHING but typical.
I just don’t play the GAMES.
Of course by doing so I am also requiring the GIRL to be a bit out of the ordinary. That’s important because the type of guy I am a typical girl won’t likely go for my QUIRKY charm.
The CENTRAL thing about this approach though?
I don’t really KNOW her.
So how can I know if I’m INTO her?
That we could really be an ITEM?
Constantly you get the dating cart BEFORE the horse.
You think you need to DECIDE up front if they have “romantic potential.”
I say EXPLORE your connection.
And see just WHERE it goes.
That’s why I said what I did to this girl by indicating I think she’s cute and INTERESTING. I left things open ended and just said I wanted to EXPLORE a connection.
Kind of a nebulous PHRASE I know.
But there is enough there to POSSIBLY spark her.
Get her just a little bit CURIOUS.
Wanting to explore WITH me.
See where this MIGHT go next.
My expectation is her next message will be an interview about my INTENTIONS.
You girls are always trying to get this PINNED down.
You just can’t go with the FLOW.
To you dating is about finding “the one” who will “commit” to you for the LONG run. You’re trying to build your biological NEST so the idea of just seeing what will come evades you.
But that’s just your DNA talking.
You CAN side step it if you want to.
Go on an ADVENTURE instead!
See where it LEADS.
Without needing to be convinced it means ANYTHING.
What it COULD mean?
You might just SURPRISE yourself.
And meet the love of your LIFE.
Even IF he’s a polyamorous guy like me!
What do you think? Is it possible to just approach people through Facebook and have them give you a chance?