Do you have to be compatible to be in love?
That depends what you’re talking about.
What you think of right now as compatibility?
It could actually be something else.
An interesting Psychology Today article called The Best Way to Find a Partner Who’s Right for You attempts show the difference. I agree with this author to some extent, but he still doesn’t quite get it right either.
As always the mistake he makes?
It’s confusing love with living together long term.
Remember romantic love is nothing more than desire.
Shared sexual fulfillment and emotional connection between the two of you.
What is required for that?
Only that you value each other in some way.
The article distinguishes between non-relational and relational scales of value. Non-relational values are common traits like beauty and humor and wealth, while relational values are things more specific to who you actually are as a person.
What do I always tell you?
Romantic love flows from getting to KNOW each other.
How much you make?
Those things just don’t matter much in the long run.
But throw long term monogamy into the mix, and as the article shows things become confusing. If there is disparity between you on the non-relational scale, things likely won’t work out in time.
It’s true of course you learn to adapt.
Once you know someone such disparities aren’t as important.
But live together?
Blend your lives?
Those disparities start to grate eventually.
The author of the article thinks you can offset this, by focusing on relational values. Find a person you’re compatible with on a lot of relational levels, and you’ll ultimately be okay won’t you?
I wish I could say I agree with him.
I know that’s the hope they’re always marketing.
But the divorces statistics?
The failure rates?
They don’t support that theory at all unfortunately.
Move to Romantic Friendships though, and suddenly everything shifts wonderfully! You don’t have to be compatible on a whole lot of levels, when your sole focus is enjoying a romantic connection.
What do you need to find THAT together?
Just a teeny bit of compatibility.
Just one or two values on that relational scale?
Your love will do wonderfully!
What do you think? Do you have to find a partner who is totally compatible with you, or can you just enjoy what you enjoy in each of your partners, and share love with them because you do?
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