Narcissists are getting a lot of bad press these days.
Every time you turn around?
You’re hearing about somebody else being USED.
And there is no doubt that narcissists are frequently guilty of all of the above. They are self-centered individuals who determine their activities solely by how they will benefit number one.
When you are finally ONTO them?
You see it all in a different way.
You realize that all the love you offer?
All the grief you put up with?
It really is all for NAUGHT.
You can’t really do anything to change a narcissist because he doesn’t even think he has anything he needs to change.
The only thing you can do finally?
The LONGER you keep him in your life?
The WEAKER you will become because of him.
I read a forum once where the girls on there were asking how to deal with emotionally unavailable guys. Just another code word for NARCISSIST usually.
The answer was universal.
“Get away from him.”
“He will never change.”
There is NO making your relationship work.
He doesn’t WANT it to.
When I was in this state, my long term partner finally said to me, “I care about you, but only with the kind of care you have for a sick dog.”
She really said that Kel?
And she was right.
I was an emotionally unaware imp.
I couldn’t connect at all with her.
So if I believe all this about narcissists, how can I say they have something about them I really think is great? Isn’t the point that there is absolutely nothing great about them?
This may come as a surprise.
But their greatness?
It actually IS their self-centredness.
That is their redeeming quality.
How can I possibly say this?
Because it is their key to CHANGE.
No matter how completely ignorant a narcissist is about himself, if he can finally be brought to see it? His self-centered urge is the one redeeming factor that will lead to him finding his heart finally!
It’s kind of paradoxical.
But when someone this self-centred really sees his need?
He can move heaven and earth to change himself.
To become a better guy.
Because exerting his efforts to get what he wants?
That’s what he has done all his life isn’t it?
I know all this because that is what happened to me when I found out my long term partner was thinking about finally leaving me.
It hit me like a two-by-four.
Woke me from my slumber.
I knew it was now or never.
If I didn’t want to lose her for good?
I needed to summon my strength to change.
And change I did!
If there is one thing a narcissist can do, when he sees it is in his self-interest to do so, it is change everything about who he is in order to achieve his goal.
Of course the tricky part to doing so is his self-centeredness itself.
That is the key thing he has to change.
But if he sees this?
His very self-centeredness will result in his doing exactly that.
Please don’t misunderstand me.
This isn’t an easy thing.
Most narcissists will NEVER do it.
I’m not suggesting you should stay in a relationship with someone who uses and abuses you at all. You should never endure that hoping he’ll finally see the light and feel his need to change. You’re not going to help him or help yourself that way.
As you can see by my story?
It was her leaving me that was my wake up call.
There is no guarantee your narcissist guy will wake up though.
Even if you threaten him with leaving too.
But there still is no other way.
He needs an ultimatum.
Something that tells him he really has to change if he ever hopes to be with you again.
He has to make good or it’s over.
Nothing else will get through to him.
If you are important enough to him he will begin the process of figuring out what he needs to do, to finally get to the root of his inability to truly love you.
Will you get him back?
I can’t promise you that.
I can’t promise you he’ll change either.
After all, he IS a narcissist.
But the really great thing about him nonetheless?
It is his central weakness.
That is also his greatest strength.
Nobody has a greater capacity for change than someone who is determined to do nothing he doesn’t find in his own self interest.
That is exactly this guy.
I was him.
When I read those forums telling you to run from him?
I really felt for him.
Because I felt for myself.
I knew I could change.
I knew that he could too.
I can help him.
Get him to get in touch with me!
What do you think? Are you ready to give your narcissist the ultimatum that it really is now or never?