I’m going to wax philosophical with you today.
Isn’t that what I’m ALWAYS doing?
But today I want to get a bit more technical than usual.
I want to introduce you to the difference between sufficiency and necessity. These are philosophical concepts that make all the difference to your love life when you understand them.
Philosophers talk about sufficient and necessary conditions.
Conditions make something possible.
Without them that thing couldn’t be.
For instance suppose you want to buy a car.
You’re headed from Vancouver to Toronto.
What sorts of features should this car have in order to achieve your goal?
Toronto is a pretty long drive so you decide you want a good sound system. Because you’ll be heading out in the summer time you decide air conditioning is a good choice too.
You select a few other options.
Eventually you reach your budget.
You review and decide those things will be sufficient.
Shaking the hand of that slick car saleman?
You happily sign the deal.
As you review the previous paragraphs you can see a couple of key phrases. I used the word “option” and I also used the word “sufficient” too.
Why do you see these options as sufficient?
Because you know they are not NECESSARY.
You could easily do without any of them.
They won’t make or break arriving in Eastern Canada intact.
A car with those options is sufficient to get you there.
But only because it has what is necessary too.
The only thing that is necessary to get you to Toronto is an actual functioning vehicle. One with air in it’s tires whose engine runs and otherwise works okay.
But what if those options you chose actually impeded the vehicle’s functioning?
What if over time the sound system drains the battery?
What if the air conditioning is a big fuel consumer?
What do you think of those options now?
Not only are they INSUFFICIENT they are actually DETRIMENTAL.
Instead of making your trip pleasant?
They could actually prevent you from achieving your goal.
This is how you approach your love life all the time though you don’t recognize you’re doing it. Just like that car salesman who convinced you to add those problematic options? You’ve been sold a bill of goods too!
You’ve been told many things are necessary for love.
Or at a minimum would be sufficiently pleasant.
Things like monogamy.
Moving in together and blending your finances.
The reason your love life gets messed up all the time is you never think about it. You never really distinguish for yourself between what is necessary and what just seems nice.
All those options you see as sufficient?
They are actually KNOWN to be detrimental.
Over and over the very pleasant options you choose for your love life?
They are the things that are causing it to break down!
Romantic love is the desire to experience sexual fulfillment and emotional connection and once you understand this? You can see none of the rest of those things you always choose are necessary in any way.
Once you recognize they actually get in the way?
You’ll be determined to deliberately AVOID them.
You’ll opt for Romantic Friendships like I do.
And that will have you merrily on your way!
So what do you think? Is it time to take on a little more philosophical perspective in approaching your love life and stop choosing all those unnecessary options that are messing around with you?