A while ago I wrote about you girls and your lists.
You think you’ll find love once you find a guy who gets enough check marks.
So you spend a lot of your time refining your criteria.
With each date and each new encounter, you see yet another reason he’s just not quite “the one.”
Listen to me.
He doesn’t exist.
You’ll never find him.
Every guy is going to fall short in one way or another.
Before you guys start laughing too loud here, you should listen up too. You do this as well, just in your own unique way.
Yes in that previous blog post I said that guys don’t make lists the way girls do.
And that’s true.
But it doesn’t mean you don’t criteriorize as well.
You just go about it differently.
No you’re not one to list her income or her personality traits.
Or the endless ream of other life qualities your partner has to have.
Like I said, you don’t do what girls so often do.
But you think an aweful lot about her looks don’t you?
How shapely is her bottom?
How big are her breasts?
Is she Asian or Caucasian or Eurasian or some other persuasion?
Is she 5′ 2″ with eyes of blue, tanned and toned, and ready to go?
Tell me I’m not just imagining here!
Just because you criteriorize based on what you find attractive?
That doesn’t make you any different at your core.
So whether you are a guy or a girl, my message to you is the same.
The “perfect match” doesn’t exist.
You probably think I’m going to tell you this criteriorizing you do is the number one reason you’re still alone, right?
That’s not the reason at all.
Your criteriorizing is just a symptom.
There is a deeper reason for all this crazy pickiness you find yourself prone to in your love life.
It is the reason you’re usually not happy with your partners.
Why you are discontent.
No matter who you are with or how long you’ve been together.
It is insidious the way it undermines your connection potential.
It makes you unable to truly enjoy your experiences with the partner you have.
It’s something I talk about so much here, you probably think I’m a stuck record.
Hey! As long as you keep making the same mistakes, I’ll keep pointing out your error.
The number one reason you’re alone?
Is because you think you have to find someone WORTH living “happily ever after” with.
You think you need to find someone you can be monogamous with.
Someone you can live together with.
Someone who will be worth “forsaking all others” for.
That is a dead end project. NOBODY is worth forsaking all others for.
Everybody falls short in some way of the standard of the “perfect match.”
The perfect mate.
Someone worth growing old together with.
Don’t misunderstand me.
People DO choose partners and live with them for life.
People DO grow old together, and sometimes happily too.
It’s just that the statistics don’t support the belief this is ever going to happen to you.
It NEVER happens to ANYONE who doesn’t do a LOT of work and a LOT of compromising.
It NEVER happens because you ACTUALLY find the “perfect match.”
As Willard Harley, one of my favorite pro-monogamy pscyhologists says in his book The One:
“What you’re looking for is not the right partner, but the right relationship.”
And even that you don’t FIND.
You CREATE it.
The problem with pulling that off is you can’t do it alone.
Both you AND your partner need to work consistently at it.
And you are NEVER in control of what the OTHER person does.
Hence the statistics we know all too well.
But there is another alternative to having to create that perfect state.
Having to rely on your partner to consistently work with you to create it.
Over years and years.
You can choose instead to just appreciate each person you meet for who they are.
Allow yourself to love who you love.
Every guy brings different things to the party.
Some of those things are really fantasic girls!
So instead of thinking, “Gee, he’s so great when it comes to this BUT…”
Just enjoy what’s worthwhile about him.
Be satisfied with that.
He doesn’t have to be worth moving in with.
He doesn’t have to be worth marrying.
You don’t have to be able to live “happily ever after” with him.
Instead, why not just be happy with him the way he is?
Why not enjoy your connection for what you love about him?
Let him keep his own life.
Let me keep his own place.
Let him keep his own romantic relationships as he sees fit too.
You do the same.
And guys? Who cares if she’s got the perfect this or the perfect that? There are tons of things about her that really rock your world, am I right?
So enjoy her for those things and don’t worry about the rest!
Of course what I’m talking about here is Romantic Friendships.
Love can be so easy.
Quit trying to make it hard!
The number one reason you’re still alone?
You keep thinking you have to find someone worth being alone with.
Drop the drama and expectations and open your heart to love!
It’s right there in front of you.
In that imperfect guy or girl.
You just need to love him for who he is.
Appreciate her for what makes her special and unique.
That person IS the RIGHT match, if your connection with them is real.
So what do you say? Could you see yourself letting go of the requirement that you find the “perfect match” that you could live with?
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