I was talking to a friend last weekend.
It was right after his breakup with his girl.
I was there the day he met her a couple years back.
So I was interested how things had gone.
What he told me made me sad because it is a pattern I see again and again now. The more you girls fall in love with a guy, the more you want to CHANGE him.
Decide how he lives.
What he does.
When he does it.
And who he does it with.
My friend told me slowly and incrementally?
She took over EVERY aspect of his life.
Not every one of you girls is a dominant type so some of you are less overt with this and subtle. Little by little though each one of you become less convinced your guy loves you unless he’s “complying” with your every wish.
The problem with this pattern?
It’s about unspoken expectations.
But discussing those at the beginning?
That wouldn’t help either.
Your expectations are an endless moving target.
Determined by the whim of your ever changing emotions.
What you want and what you feel you need today?
It’s what will really make you feel loved THIS time.
I saw this pattern with a romantic friend of mine as well after we had enjoyed almost two full years together. Suddenly everything changed and she started to question our love.
At first we just met up.
Spent time together.
We just shared ourselves with each other.
It was nice.
The kind of thing I talk about here all of the time.
But the deeper our relationship became and the more love for me she felt suddenly all of this began to change for her. Now everything I did or didn’t do came under her “Do you love me?” microscope.
“If you loved me you wouldn’t have done that.”
“You would have done this instead.”
“You should have known what I wanted there.”
“I shouldn’t have to tell you.”
“If you’re not going to do it I guess I’ll have to.”
The mind reading game.
Something we guys do oh so well!
I’ll tell you right now what a guy feels inside when he starts to sense this innate dissatisfaction from you. He begins to wonder what he’s doing there at all and starts to consider his exit strategy.
Not because he doesn’t love you though.
Because you’re not loving HIM anymore.
You’re not loving him.
Because HE’S not the one who changed.
He’s just carrying on with being himself.
Just like he’s always done.
What you need to understand about all of this is that your concerns become a self-fulfilling prophecy. By worrying whether he’s really loving you and constantly trying to make sure he does you almost GUARANTEE eventually he won’t.
Not because you don’t have his love right now.
But you’re the one pushing it away from you.
You’ve decided you want something other than the love he’s actually giving.
Something that will soothe your INSECURITIES instead.
If you don’t recognize this pattern in yourself?
You will repeat it over and over.
Each relationship you leave you’ll say to yourself,
“See I was right! He didn’t love me after all!”
What do you say girls? Isn’t it time to quit trying to control your guy to relieve your insecurities and start working on yourself instead of thinking that’s up to him?
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