I had an amusing encounter on Facebook recently.
It made me think it was time to revisit this theme.
It was inspired by a relationship coach friend who I admire a lot.
Also somebody who really ought to know better.
He published a post where he shared an inspiring soliliquy. All about how your physical attractiveness as a girl doesn’t matter to him.
He doesn’t care about the size of your breasts.
Nor how much time you spend doing your makeup.
The absence or presence of cellulite on your thighs?
It doesn’t mean a thing to him.
What he cares about?
It is what makes your heart skip.
How your eyes light up and tear up in a moment of honesty.
He wants you to “quit spreading shiny lies over your surface” and instead start “beaming out to the world from your heart.”
I have to admit even I found this inspiring.
I definitely believe you are MORE than just your looks.
None of this negates however that nature has made you a sex object nonetheless.
And you’re foolish to think it hasn’t.
The comment thread was priceless.
Filling up with almost one hundred percent female admiration.
Being the non-contrarian guy I am of course?
I had to comment on this touching disinterest in the female form.
“Now if the girls would just say how they don’t care if a guy is confident and charming and takes the lead but they’d prefer a simple Nice Guy I think we’d all be set!”
Yes I know.
This WAS a bit trolly of me.
And I waited in anticipation to see who took the bait.
Would my relationship coach friend himself REALLY go there?
Surely he understands what I mean?
He went there?
I guess I somewhat expected it given the morally condescending feeling of his post.
What he really was saying is what all you girls are thinking…that you have the moral high ground where attraction is concerned.
My coach friend proceeded to express your thoughts.
Almost word for word.
Like he had read your emotional play book.
He said that confidence and charm and leadership ability are CHARACTER TRAITS.
The things he spoke about in his post are all SUPERFICIAL.
Unless you girls care about our height, hairline or bank balance?
You are not being superficial like we are.
Of course that is completely wrong as I wrote about in Part 1 of this blog post series. You are just as superficial as guy, when you zero in on only these FEW traits.
You’re only interested in the small percentage of guys who have them.
Those who have leadership qualities and sweep you off your feet.
You’re just as addicted to these things.
My friend didn’t reply further.
Not sure if he agreed with me or not.
But the most precious part was what came next.
Another girl responded to my comments.
You can tell she skimmed the blog post I linked and quickly replied with her astute observation. She replied by simply uttering one word: “Vomit”
Having a background in philosophical discourse?
I pondered this reply.
After careful consideration I came to conclude it did not warrant a response.
A few hours later though?
She must have actually read Part 1.
She came back with a much more thoughtful reflection.
Of course she expressed the obligatory feminist acknowledgement I use the term “you girls.”
But then she moved on to things of substance and had some deeper things to say.
She acknowledged that maybe BOTH guys and girls ARE all superficial because of the way nature has wired us for attraction. But she still insisted this should not remain relevant AFTER we’ve come to love each other.
I took this all as a very good sign.
She had finally LISTENED to what I was saying.
She was now recognizing your equal superficiality as a girl.
That nobody has the moral high ground here.
But her insistence you can quit being this way once in love?
Of course that’s just silly.
You will NEVER completely override all this.
Nature doesn’t say, “Oh once you’re in love then you won’t care anymore about attraction.”
And while we both are equally superficial?
Why consider any of this superficial anyway?
Why not acknowledge that it just IS what it IS.
I feel no particular need to consider you girls superficial or morally defective, just because you find confidence, charm and leadership qualities attractive. Why feel the need to think guys are superficial or morally defective, just because they care about your looks?
This is how attraction WORKS.
Nobody chooses it and nobody can completely ignore it.
You are only superficial when you do something you could HELP.
You CAN’T HELP THIS.
Shaming a guy for who he is?
That just puts a barrier between you.
Celebrate him and be that cool girl in his life! He could be yours for good! And yes guys this goes for you also. Whining about her attraction to confidence and charmn doesn’t help a thing.
You need to work on that just like she needs to work on her looks.
But you are also BOTH much more than what nature makes you drawn to.
You don’t have to deny attraction to appreciate these other things also.
Just make sure you focus on these other things too.
Be sure you value them AS WELL.
What do you think girls? Do you still insist you have the moral high ground here or will you finally fess up to the truth and admit nobody here is more superficial than anyone else?
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