“Why do I find myself agreeing with her?” I thought.
“Yet uneasy with what she is saying?”
I was musing over a conversation I had with a sweetheart the prior evening.
What had she said I agreed with yet still made me feel so uncomfortable?
She said to me, “What if our relationships are better served if we dive right in and soak them up. Do you see any value in approaching them from a place of feelings first over intellect ever?”
She asked this of course because she knows me quite well.
That I think you should approach your love life using LOGIC.
Yes this makes me very different I know.
Probably makes you think I’m a kill joy.
But that’s just because you haven’t experienced enough pain.
Once you have you may find you actually agree with me.
But still I found myself agreeing with her nonetheless. I don’t think what she’s hearing is actually what I’m saying. I’m actually all about diving right into love and soaking up those feelings with ABANDON.
I’m all about feelings.
That’s what love is all about.
Experiencing and enjoying true connection.
So what is the difference then?
What do I mean when I say intellect should PRECEDE feelings in your love life?
As I reflected on this I realized it has to do with the basis of your feelings. What she was advocating for was really just attraction. Attraction you feel before you even KNOW someone.
When you give yourself over immediately to feelings of love?
You are not really getting to know your partner.
When that is the case your feelings lack real substance.
They are not about truly connecting.
You’re just emotionally “getting off.”
How can you be connecting with someone you don’t even know yet?
Intimacy is about seeing INSIDE your partner.
Sharing yourself because you value them.
What causes the confusion is when you are truly in love with your partner you will feel very much the same way as you do when you’re ONLY attracted.
But now it’s not just a dopamine hit.
Because you know your partner your love has real meaning instead.
Giving yourself to someone you don’t know is DANGEROUS.
When you dive right in feelings first?
It’s a train wreck waiting to happen.
It reminds me of a child on Christmas Eve who just wants to open those presents. Waiting until Christmas morning is like taking the time to get to know someone before you become lovers with them.
If you want the real thing you have to be patient in love.
Really take time getting to know your partner.
But that’s the only thing you need to wait for.
Once you are there?
No holds barred?
Give yourself to your partner COMPETELY then!
What do you think? Is it really safe to just give yourself over to feelings first when you first encounter someone or should you make sure you really know the person you’re sharing the deepest part of yourself with?