There’s one thing I’ve observed.

It stands in the way of romantic love.

Preventing it to fully flourish.

What is that?

Romantic love always comes in twos.

If you are going to enjoy sexual fulfillment you can’t really do that by yourself. If you are going to enjoy emotional connection you need to have someone to share it with you.

This challenge of two?

It’s not a incidental problem.

It shows up much more than you realize.

Beginning with the battle of the sexes.

On through marriage.

And parenting.

Of just plain figuring out how to live together.

The common denominator is it always takes two to make the whole romantic love world come together. Unless you are both on the same page at every stage it’s not ever going to fly.

Take dating for instance.

Where boy meets girl?

He likes her but she thinks he’s a loser.

Or maybe she likes him.

But he fumbles it up.

So she gets turned off and walks away.

What’s the problem here? He’s off when she’s on or she’s off when he’s on. Nobody seems to be on at the SAME time so nobody even gets together.

Okay.

Let’s say you pass that hurdle?

Now you’re dating or at least getting to know each other.

Now it’s a function of what do you want to do?

What he wants to do is so different from you!

You want momogamy.

He’s polyamorous.

You want “commitment.”

He doesn’t.

And don’t get me started on those lists of yours.

It’s just one big disconnect.

Everybody enters the dating arena with so many expectations of what makes the perfect partner. You should all just show up in business suits so you look good for the interview!

So let’s say you get past THAT hurdle?

Now you’re actually “official.”

You’re “in a relationship.”

How do you decide where this thing is GOING now?

What does “going” mean anyway?

He wants his career.

And you want a family.

Or maybe you want BOTH – a career and kids too.

So you set up your little independent lives together and hope that somehow your love will still flourish. Even though you live on two different planets you think somehow this thing is still going to work.

Of course it doesn’t.

Romantic love will never play second fiddle.

If it is not prioritized it just fades away.

Usually for YOU before it does for HIM.

At this point you’re disappointed so you start complaining.

You tell him you need to work on your relationship.

But he doesn’t even notice the noise you’re making.

There is always one partner who is completely content and doesn’t see that there is a problem. You are now on while he is off. By the time he wakes up and realizes something’s wrong? You’ve had enough by now and you are off when he is on.

THAT is the biggest challenge to romantic love.

I see it all the time.

When she’s on he’s off.

When he’s on she’s off.

You’re never both on at the same time.

Whenever I sit down with couples who are seeking my help to restore the love in their relationship? The very first question I always probe is do I have buy in from BOTH of you right NOW?

If not then I know we’re already done.

You can’t fix love as a SOLO endeavor.

And why would you want to anyway?

Do you really think you can have love when your partner doesn’t want it with you?

This is why I always encourage you.

Love with an OPEN hand.

You can’t make someone love you.

But if you set them free they might just return.

How about you? Have you experienced that frustrating feeling when you want to work on your relationship but your partner just isn’t on…or is that you?