Let’s face it.
Every relationship has it’s ups and downs.
And sadly often the reason for this?
One or the other of you are on a downer.
Sometimes he gets all moody or distant.
She is stressed or confused or otherwise off her rocker!
I know there is a bit of stereotyping in what I’ve said here and the situation can also be the reverse obviously. Sometimes she’s distant and he’s a wingnut. It all depends on the relationship dynamic you’ve got happening.
What matters though is one way or another?
You likely to take turns being imperfect.
What’s so important when one of you are?
It’s that you still support your partner.
Maybe she needs a massage to de-stress.
Maybe he needs to talk out his feelings.
Maybe she needs some time alone.
Maybe you do too.
Relationships are like weather systems in the sense that they can be very unpredictable. If you didn’t have to live in the real world of life things would be so much easier for your love.
But what I’ve found?
Things go so much better if you both are a little loopy!
No I don’t mean you should lose your minds.
Just understand how your connection works.
How YOU feel is often influenced by how your PARTNER is feeling.
How THEY feel is often a function of the emotions YOU’RE putting off.
What this means is you both are in a feedback loop and one that you cannot escape when you’re together. If you don’t understand this you can really spiral and take each other down instead of up.
There are negative feedback loops.
And positive feedback loops.
The question is which one are you two doing?
Do you let your partner’s negatives take you down?
Or do you feed them positive to bring them up?
Obviously this is not fully your choice since you can’t always ensure you’re on an upswing. If both of you are on the downward turn though somebody has to decide to pretend anyway for that to change.
Choices are hard when emotions aren’t supportive.
But choices must be made inspite of that.
Sometimes it means faking a smile.
Putting on a cheery demeanor.
You’re going to feel like a phoney.
But you know the funny thing I have found about this?
You can actually trick YOURSELF into feeling better as well!
Just putting a smile on your face tells your brain that you actually are REALLY happy. When your partner feels that from you they start to respond in kind and get happy too.
Yes I understand there is hard core anxiety.
And such a thing as clinical depression.
I’m not suggesting there is a magical cure for these big things at all.
I’m talking about your day to day love life.
That’s where you can decide.
Will your feedback loop be positive or negative?
If you’ll make that step to be the positive one?
You’ll send that feedback loop spinning upward for your partner too!
What do you think? Does it make sense to you that if you’re going to be loopy you should at least be positive about it?
Like what you’re reading? Sign up!