In the past 24 hours?
I read two conflicting views of what love is.
The first one is all about Nature’s plan.
The other about real romantic love.
This first view was being promoted by a female relationship coach I admire. She pushes back on feminism and encourages you girls to embrace yourselves “as love.”
Regarding masculinity’s essence?
She insists it’s to “provide safety, protection and comfort.”
If a guy doesn’t do this for you?
It’s because he’s broken and lacked a true “masculine role model.”
Contrast this with the view of Jean Paul Sartre’s long term lover Simone de Beauvoir. She calls love “authentic love” and sees it as an ethical undertaking.
To Beauvoir, love is a project of EQUALS.
One where you both take care of each other.
It can be harmed by two extremes.
Selfishness and devotion.
In selfishness you’re not in love with your partner, you’re in love with the fact they love you. In devotion you find your value in your partner, because you don’t really love yourself.
As my coach friend described the value of a guy?
She spoke about “craving his powerful masculinity.”
And what did she say your superpower as a girl is?
To be “his muse, his inspiration, his fire.”
In these two views, you couldn’t ask for a better depiction of the battle between biology and love if you wanted one. If you follow Nature’s plan, your guy will (hopefully lovingly) rule over you.
Reminds me of the curse in Genesis 3.
The one that happened once mankind became “fallen?”
“He will rule over you and your desire will be for him.”
Rather than the ways of selfishness or devotion, de Beauvoir points you to the true alternative. The one where you value your partner for who he is, and he values you for who you are.
In this way you both are truly authentic.
Neither of you are dominant or submissive.
By maintaining your independence like this?
You are both able to freely share yourselves.
What do you think? Is your true purpose as a girl only to support a guy who will keep you safe and protect and comfort you, or is your higher calling to love yourself, and then simply share who you are with him?
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