“If I’m entering a connection to satisfy a longing?”
“Or to soften my attachment anxiety from lack of connection?”
“I know it’s transactional.”
“It’s about getting what I don’t have.”
“This can have a vampiric quality.”
“It’s about using someone else to fill a void.”
“When I have a full cup, am intune with the immense value I can bring, and have a burning desire to rock someone’s world with my gifts; it’s a more service based and evolutionary frame to enter connection from.”
When I read the first part of this?
Naturally I agreed with him.
Being in a relationship to “get?”
That’s Worst Reason Number 2.
And when I read his “service” emphasis, I had to admit this was a bit different spin on the subject. Instead of using your partner so you can personally grow like Worst Reason Number 3 says, you’re there to just “rock their world.”
What could be wrong with that?
Don’t I always say relationship is about giving?
Instead of using your partner for personal growth?
You’re both just there to share youselves.
Despite how much better this “service” thing sounds though, I still don’t see it to be the purpose of relationship. Once again, it makes your relationship about something other than itself.
The reason to be in relationship?
It’s not so you can serve your partner.
Okay I guess you “could” say it is.
But only if “serving” and “sharing yourself” are really synonymous.
But instead of being about “getting” or “growing” or “serving, a romantic relationship is really all about BEING. Being with each other and just enjoying experiencing each other in the here and now.
You don’t need to DO anything.
Not even serve your partner.
You’re giving YOURSELF to them.
You’re there to simply BE THERE.
Both “experience the experience.”
Nothing else.
There is no real purpose for your connection outside of just connecting. What shape that takes on an ongoing basis, is completely up to the two of you.
Yes you’ll get and yes you’ll grow.
And sometimes you WILL serve your partner.
But only because when you’re truly “being?”
These other things naturally flow.
What do you think? Is serving your partner by bringing all your value to the table really the purpose of relationship, or is that just another way to get yourself off track?
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