So another way you can look at this?
It’s to see those worst reasons to be in a relationship as “stages.”
Though you start in a stage of unconsciousness?
Your eyes are progressively “opened.”
The attraction stage is where you’re not really thinking about it. You are just following your biology. You are letting it dictate to you what you think you “need” for a relationship.
Of course as you know by now?
That’s just about the RACE progressing.
But because you’re in a completely unconscious state?
You can’t really see what’s happening.
The next stage you could call the “waking up” stage because now your wounding dimly comes into focus. You feel a lack inside yourself and think a PARTNER will “fix” it.
Surely if you just found your soulmate to “meet your needs?”
The pain that you’re feeling would get better.
So you search for the “perfect match” for you.
Hoping to find relief when you find him (or her).
When that doesn’t work the next stage kicks in as you develop true “awareness.” You realize your problem isn’t the lack of a partner but instead the problem is YOU.
You have these wounds like you thought you did.
But now you see no partner you find will heal them.
They stem from that deep rooted shadow of yours.
You need to PERSONALLY grow if you want to “integrate” it.
But at this stage you are still convinced that your healing must come INSIDE a relationship. So you try to find yourself a partner who’s willing to “work on their shadow” too.
While you’re making progress here?
You still aren’t fully “getting it.”
If you both bring your messes into your relationship?
You’re more likely to hurt each other than to heal.
Finally you face the fact that you have to work on yourself ideally OUTSIDE of relationship. You do so and for the very first time in your life you become content “just being you.”
Now you’re truly ready for it.
The REAL reason to be in a relationship.
When you connect with a partner it is no longer to “get” from them.
It is just to “be” with them and share yourself.
How about you? Are you tired of settling for all the worst reasons to be in a relationship and will you finally do the work on yourself so you can love your partner unconditionally?
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