This was what a friend said to me.

When?

After I wrote him about a recent breakup.

Why was he glad?

Because the last time she left?

He had to pick up the pieces then.

When she broke up last year I realized just how much I loved her. I even got into Facebook stalking her as a clear proof of my masculinity!

I’m glad in one sense.

It showed me I cared.

She was wrapped around my heart.

Even so?

It also indicated I was still too dependent on her.

This is actually the third time she’s broken up with me now. The first time I just let her go without further communication. This was a deliberate choice on my part based on some coaching advice I’d been given.

When she came back that time?

I shared this with her.

So she understood why I did it.

The problem though?

When she broke up again?

I was worried she’d think she was just another dating statistic.

At the suggestion of a girl friend I put out an “olive branch” that second time so she would know that I truly loved her. I sent her an email telling her I desired her and really wanted her.

Oddly enough?

When she did come back?

She told me that made me look NEEDY.

Hmmm.

Not exactly the response I expected.

I understand it though.

She is a bit of an avoidant.

So the question this third time was how to respond when she once again left me and went radio silent. Thankfully I’m in a much better place and have been able to simply let her move on this time.

Unlike the first time?

This isn’t a technique.

It is truly how I feel about it.

I love her.

Want her in my life.

But not if she’s not wanting it.

Because I am so completely okay this time and am not in any way stressing about it? This is why my friend gave me the high five and told me he thought it showed vast improvement.

Counter intuitive?

Yes I know.

But it really is true what I’ve told you.

Not caring IS the key to love.

If you truly love someone you’ll let them go.

How about you? Do you think you’re at the place where if your partner decided it’s time to leave you that you would be okay with it and leave it up to them to decide whether they wanted to come back or not?