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So What About Friends With Benefits?

I’ve written before about the difference between Romantic Friendships and friends with benefits.

Because sometimes people confuse the two.

Think I’m advocating being a player.

That is so far from the truth, I even accuse you girls of being emotional players sometimes.

What I’m into is romantic love, which has both a sexual and emotional component.

If either of those are missing, you’re not having a romantic friendship.

You’re either “just friends,” or you’re friends with benefits.

Want a good description of that?

I like the one suggested by pickup artist Troy Francis.

He thinks the key to a friends with benefits arrangement is to deliberately prevent emotional connection from arising.

To a pickup artist like Troy, this is the “endgame” you want to achieve.

Get your sexual needs met without the commitment a true relationship requires.

As you know I don’t think commitment makes sense anyway.

Not even if you want “a relationship.”

Because romantic love is about your mutual desire to share yourselves together?

If that’s not there no amount of commitment is going to change the fact that it isn’t.

But what about friends with benefits? Aren’t you “sharing yourselves” as well?

Well, you’re definitely sharing sex together.

But that’s not really sharing, it’s more like mutually using each other.

Troy says the goal is that sex is the “entire basis of the relationship, nothing more complicated than that.”

And that’s the magic word.


You want to find somebody who shares your desire to enjoy getting off and that’s it.

What should you think about this kind of “arrangement?”

First thing I’ll say is that it’s very efficient, compared to constantly looking for one night stands.

If your goal is only sex but you want to enjoy it regularly, friends with benefits wins hand over fist. (No inuendo intended!)

I sort of look at this the same way I look at eating candy versus a full course meal.

If you limit yourself to “just sex” you are missing out on all the good stuff.

Because real romantic love, with its deeper emotional connection, is just a more nurturing experience for your soul.

Sure you can eat candy every day.

But you’re going to end up sick.

You’ll have a sense of starving yourself if that’s all you ever do. In his better moments even Troy acknowledges this fact.

I’m all for avoiding complications though, that have nothing to do with love.

There is no reason in the world why you have to be exclusive, or cohabit and blend your finances.

Or commit to raising kids.

Not if all you want is to find love in your life.

And despite all your best intentions?

Those things will shoot you in the foot anyway.

More times than not.

So like Troy says, you are indeed wise to avoid unnecessary “complications.”

But love is not one of them. Love is what life is all about.

So if you think you want to explore a friends with benefits arrangement, just keep this all in mind.

Romantic Friendships gives you the best of both worlds.

Regular romantic connection without the complications that make love fade.

That sounds like a much better benefit to me, than just being friends for sex!

What do you think? Is friends with benefits worth settling for, when you can be romantic friends instead?

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