I’ve talked about the WORST reasons to be in a relationship.
You want a “someone,” or you want to “grow.”
Or you just plain find your partner attractive.
None of those things are bad in themselves, but you’ll mess up your love life if they become your focus. The only reason to be with your partner ever at all, is simply because you’re LOVE them.
Believe it or not?
A very wise philosopher learned all this the hard way.
But in his case his goal wasn’t a “someone” or to personally grow.
What he was after was HAPPINESS.
John Stuart Mill is one of the primary representatives of what is known as the Utilitarian philosophy. In Utilitarianism the reason you should live is to promote the “greatest happiness of the greatest number.”
But as a recent article shows?
All this got Mill was DEPRESSION.
After seeking to live this way for a while?
He found himself in a crisis.
At the point of suicial depression he asked himself, “Suppose that all your objects in life were realized; that all the changes in institutions and opinions which you are looking forward to, could be completely effected at this very instant: would this be a great joy and happiness to you?”
When he realized it wouldn’t?
He said, “My heart sank within me.”
The whole foundation on which his life was constructed?
It was now collapsing.
“All my happiness was to have been found in the continual pursuit of this end. The end had ceased to charm, and how could there ever again be any interest in the means? I seemed to have nothing left to live for.”
But if happiness can’t be found pursuing it directly?
Then what’s the answer?
Mill found in order to enjoy happiness in life?
You have to instead enjoy something else that has intrinsic value.
The same thing goes with your love life as well, when you try to make it about “doing” or “getting somewhere.” It’s only when you enjoy your connection as an end in itself, that suddenly you’ll discover love has “found you.”
So instead of seeking a “someone” or to “personally grow?”
Or all the other things you think are necessary?
You’ll discover that romantic love has become your purpose.
What do you think? Have you been spending all your time trying to find love by chasing everything but love, and will you now just open your heart and let love in so you can just enjoy it?
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