I have a Facebook friend.
She writes about conscious relationships.
I met her a few years back.
I approached her at a Vancouver event.
She was cute and standing in the row immediately in front of me. Never one to miss out on an opportunity I started talking to her.
It was easy since she had a lot of books.
Her purse was full of them.
All of them about relationships!
“My kind of girl!” is what I was thinking.
I told her I was reading a relationship book on my phone and she asked me which one. I said, “More Than Two.” She replied, “Oh. Are you polyamorous?”
I perked up immediately and asked her too.
She confirmed she had been in an open relationship.
We cued up a coffee.
She clarified this would not be a date because she had a new boyfriend.
Cool with me.
I’m always game to learn something from somebody.
As we talked over coffee she told me when her previous partner started dating somebody else her abandonment wounds fired. She decided then and there polyamory was not for her.
What she teaches now?
Our views are actually very similar.
She thinks your relationship is primarily with yourself.
It’s not about expectations.
It’s not about looking to your partner to complete you.
Or receiving validation from anybody.
She says in a conscious relationship you take responsibility for your own “mind, emotions and desires.” Not bad. I would say that myself. So how do she and I differ then?
What she sees your relationship to be about?
A mutual journey of self-realization.
You are together to mirror your wounds.
Committed to healing as a team.
It is a law of the universe you attract your opposite.
You attract someone with the same amount of work to do as you do.
This is where Romantic Friendships and conscious relationships definitely part company. Romantic Friendships are not a means to an end so you both can “get” somewhere.
Romantic Friendships are an end in themselves.
They are not a path to a destination.
You simply enjoy them in the here and now.
You share with each other who you ARE.
Nothing to do with “mutual work” or “changing.”
You just enjoy the present experience together.
Naturally when you are in any type of relationship you’re going to grow and experience personal development. You’re going to get that anyway unless you hide out in the woods alone.
But Romantic Friendships are more like an escape.
They are an oasis that you run to.
The value they add to your overall life?
That comes from what they are inherently.
You desire sexual fulfillment and emotional connection and you share this with your partner.
Why do you enjoy this?
Because you value each other.
Unlike with conscious relationships?
There’s no need to grow or to “get” anywhere.
What do you think? Do you still see you relationship as a means to an end of personal growth or can you relax and just enjoy the experience of “being” together?