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Personal Growth Isn’t Love But You Can Use Your Partner To Get It

“Do you not understand?”

“I will not settle for anything less.”

“I want a soul-deep, electrifying connection.”

“Nothing else.”

This was the content of a meme shared by a relationship coach friend of mine. I like a lot of what he has to say but as you can see, he is definitely a member of the “relationships are for personal growth” crowd.

He says, “LOVE should push the edges of our truth.”

“No,” he says.

“Love does not DEMAND.”

“But it asks us to expand.”

He feels the purpose of love in your life is so “we become more than we thought we could be. Love invites us to become our higher selves.”

As I’ve said before?

I’m not against personal growth as a concept.

But seeing your relationship as it’s crucible?

That’s just gonna mess your love up.

But my fundamental disagreement is this results in USING your partner. Instead of valuing them for who they are, you see them as an instrument to get where YOU want to go.

Once you see personal growth as the point?

You have all you need for justification.

Now you can trigger each other to your heart’s content.

You’re there to work on those “shadows” of yours.

I told you a long time ago I think healing your triggers is overrated. The reason to be with your partner is always and only because you value THEM.

Will you grow when you’re with them?

That’s all but inevitable.

But the more you seek to avoid those frictions?

The better your love life will be.

Instead of being for personal growth, your love should be your personal oasis. It should be a place where you both run and hide from all the pressures of life calling you to CHANGE.

Neither of you needs to change right now.

In this moment you both are perfect.

Perfect in what you value in each other.

No need to be anything else!

What do you think? Is love really nothing more than a chance to use your partner, or are you there to support and love each other just the way you are?

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