“Kel, you have a criteria list too.”
“It’s just subsconscious.”
He said this because I was spouting off.
Laughing about the checklists you girls do.
As I emphasized before I think your checklists are a mistake. When you do that you’re not really looking for love.
You’re trying to make sure somebody doesn’t “Waste your time.”
In your hunt for commitment.
Hunting for commitment is NOT hunting for love.
I even went so far in Part 1 to suggest you replace your “nitpicky list” with a “NOT picky” list. I detailed all the things you shouldn’t worry about at all if you’re really looking for love.
But my friend thinks I’m insincere.
I don’t fall in love with just any girl.
If I don’t find her “at least cute”?
We’re unlikely to be more than “just friends.”
And since I’m not “out for sex?”
Airhead bimbos need not apply.
So doesn’t this all mean that Mr “Not Picky” list isn’t practicing what he preaches? Aren’t these preferences of mine equivalent to all those “deal breakers” you girls get worked up over?
I’m sorry to disappoint you.
This is definitely not equivalent.
The reason why is obvious.
No girl has to be everything for me to love her.
I love each girl for who she IS.
She doesn’t need to match a list of criteria at all.
But my friend thinks this escape hatch doesn’t work since it’s only because I’m polyamorous. I don’t have to find my full criteria list in any one girl because I can pick up the rest with someone else.
But is that what I’m doing?
Collecting girls?
To fill up my subconscious list of REQUIREMENTS?
I guess you could think that if that’s what I did.
But it’s not what I do at all.
I’m polyamorous because I’m open to love.
I simply respond to value where I find it.
Every girl I meet is unique in her own way.
When I experience THAT my heart opens up to her.
I say all the time that romantic love is about valuing your partner. I’m never suggesting you will fall in love with someone you don’t feel anything for at all.
Of course if someone doesn’t do it for you in any way?
You’re not likely to have a romantic friendship.
That’s not like having a compliance list.
One you’ve decided on before you’ve even met.
Love isn’t about getting or finding a partner to meet your checklist QUOTA.
Love is about appreciating each person.
Valuing who they are.
Wanting to share yourself with them.
If you don’t appreciate them in SOME way?
You will not come to love them.
Being open to romantic love with anyone you experience it with is about keeping your heart open and not limiting it.
Not finding a connection isn’t being picky.
Rejecting someone in spite of it is.
When you do THAT?
Your priorities are skewed.
You need to learn to just let love in.
What do you think? Am I rationalizing here or is there a real difference between list building and being open to love where you find it?
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