“Holy smokes!” I told my friend.
“Get a load of this girl’s profile!”
“Bet she has the guys lining up eh?”
“Yikes!”
In Part 1 I told you about some killer lines, that were sure to kill your online dating chances. Never before this girl’s profile though, have I seen an entire profile guaranteed to do just that.
She was a cute Asian girl.
Naturally at first I was smitten.
But once she opened up her mouth?
The phrase, “Women should be seen and not heard?”
It suddenly made sense.
My friend said, “I have to wonder if her profile isn’t destined to scare many men away. She comes across as too picky and selective. She states what she doesn’t like, as much as what she does like.”
He was putting it NICELY.
I only have space here for highlights.
Trust me, there was a volume.
Let me know what you guys think.
Is this someone you can’t wait to meet?
She started the barrage by saying she was just giving a “gentle suggestion.” Usually that is girl code for, “I’m going to lay into you now.”
She doesn’t want you to “feel bad.”
Um hmm.
She wants to give you both “a more interesting experience.”
“Autopilot pleasantries” like “How are you? How was your day?”
They are “banalities” that “bore” her. (There’s that word!)
“The absolute worst offender is the illiterate ‘How ru?’ This is an instant turn off and an automatic unmatch. You may be tempted to type this as a joke. Please don’t – I have a sense of humour but I don’t find this particular joke clever.”
Lack of refinement?
Bad idea.
Surprisingly “weather observations” are “acceptable.”
And apparently talking about how you are?
Totally okay.
“If you are happy being “average Joe”, I salute you, but if you think ‘normal’ is something to strive for, you are implying something about your current mindset.”
“Mediocrity” and “simplemendedness?”
You guessed it!
Boring too.
Coffee/tea dates? Hiking? Hanging out? One night stands?
“Uninspiring. Too soon. Not an activity. Not compelling in the slightest.”
She thinks transparency is important so she mentions “these caveats to save you time in case such details rank high on your scale of importance.”
I know what you’re thiniking guys.
“Is the job description done yet?”
Nope.
If you’ve got kids?
You better be able to dictate your own schedule.
Newly single?
Feel free to say hi if you want.
But “go on a few dates before setting up a date with me.”
“I’m weary when I see profiles of people who use the word ‘nice’ to describe themselves. The magic combination is nice+interesting+intelligent and so forth.”
Using “laid back?”
Too passive and aquiescent.
But “easy going” is “commendable.”
“Down to earth” is “acceptable.”
“Even great” as long as you’re “reaching for the sky.”
Oh and she loves “chivalrous gentlemen.”
I know.
You were you thinking, “More like compliant puppies!”
NEXT!
What do you think guys? Is this the girl of your dreams you’ve been searching for all your life, so you can fit into all of her requirements, or is this just another “Independent Woman” trying to have her Disney Fantasy 2.0 cake and eat it too?
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