The topic of consent is a hot topic these days.
Sneeze in anyone’s direction?
They think you’re harassing them.
A Facebook acquaintance wrote a post recently saying just this.
A guy said, “She’ll have three” when she went to order a donut at the coffee shop.
She thought that he coerced her!
Just sounded like a bad approach to me!
If you’ve hung around here any length of time you know that I am a big believer in sexual and romantic consent.
I’m not an “out for sex” guy.
I believe most guys are naturally sexually addicted.
This becomes a big problem when you don’t respect girls.
They don’t have to give you sex just because you want it.
But I think you girls are addicted too.
Addicted to being “swept off your feet.”
This all is a problem for, “No means no.” Because these natural addictions of yours guarantee they will get in the way.
You girls want guys to pursue.
Yet you want to be respected.
You want to be “taken.”
But you want to be in control.
If we happen to guess wrong which one of those you want at this moment?
You say we sexually harassed you.
Some of you even want to lock us up.
The whole thing is such a mess it is a wonder that any of us connect at all anymore. There are even some YouTubers who think this is leading to millennial girls ending up alone.
So what is the answer?
Easy you say!
“No means no.”
Just get consent first and everything will be okay.
The problem is ,”No means no” is simply not true to the way human nature actually works. You can verify this by reading any sales manual on the planet.
If you’ve ever studied sales?
You know this.
They tell you, “No rarely ever means no.”
People always say no INITIALLY.
But they end up buying anyway.
If you accept “No” when you hear it?
You’ll be one broke salesperson!
Normal human beings say “No” as many as seven times on average before they finally make a decision to proceed with a purchase.
You say, “Sure.”
“But we’re not talking sales here.”
“We’re talking sex and love.”
But that is where you’re completely wrong.
In both cases what we’re actually talking about is persuasion.
Because you girls want to be “swept off your feet,” it is the guy’s “job” to pursue you and to woo you. It’s up to him to try to get you to give in to his persuasion.
He should never coerce you.
But this is not the stuff of contracts.
Sorry Christian Grey!
It guarantees “No” will NEVER mean “No!”
“No” is very often just a stepping stone to, “Yes!”
Of course sometimes “No” will never become, “Yes!” and even the best of the pickup artists acknowledge this. They know this is a numbers game.
But reality is?
That’s exactly what it is.
For every one person for whom, “No means no?”
There are probably a hundred more out there for whom it doesn’t mean that at all.
How this all works is precisely why my dating life is as unproductive as it is. I’m really a, “No means no, yes means yes” kind of guy.
I’m all for conscious consent.
I actually would LOVE it if I could really first get to know a girl.
Without needing to play her emotionally.
Occasionally I do meet that kind of girl.
One who is conscious enough to really connect.
And do so without writing me off as “not romantic potential.”
But the number of girls who can truly take the time to really get to know me as a friend first, without already friend zoning me and taking the option of romantic love off the table? They are an infinitesimal fraction of the total female population.
That’s a reality I accept.
But I’m not going to lobby for laws to prevent it.
And I’m definitely not naive enough to believe anything as silly as, “No means no.”
Instead I just work the numbers too.
Express my desire.
Try to get to know you.
And let you crazy girls do with it what you will.
Nobody said this thing would be easy!
How about you girls? Do you really think you can keep your “No” a “No” when someone truly skilled in seduction finally comes along?