She was an attractive but chubby girl.
I could understand her Bumble success.
How she had this guy on a chain.
It was really sad to me to realize, all the BAD advice her dating coaches were giving her. Here was a guy interested in getting together, but she was holding off and leading him on.
Because as far as she was concerned?
She was “worth it.”
So he should earn it.
“Make him chase you.”
“Give him everything right up front?”
“He’s not going to appreciate you.”
She turned to the other girls I was talking with, and affirmed to them “He ought to put a ring on it.” If a guy is not willing to commit to you, then he should not receive anything.
At first I bit my tongue.
Finally I had to say something.
I told this girl the advice she’s received?
The guys receive the same advice too.
“If you want to get her to sex.”
“Hold back and make HER chase YOU.”
Since it is not my style to get in anyone’s face, I totally intended for that to be the end of my comments. But then she made the fatal mistake of asking me about MY relationship life. Well, you asked didn’t you?
“So how about you?” she asked.
“Is there a special girl in the picture?”
How do I navigate this one?
I never want to unnecessarily disrupt any girl’s consciousness.
But then I did it. I said to her, “I approach my relationship life quite a bit differently. I’m not into casual sex at all (she nods appreciatively), but I’m also not into commitment either.”
Beautiful shocked face now.
Shattered nice personality.
Thinking she understands me she says,
“So you don’t want anything long term then?”
“Not at all,” I said.
“As long as we continue connecting?”
“I see no reason it ever has to end.”
At this point I could see the wires in her brain literally fusing themselves together. She wandered off to another place in the venue, and began speaking with someone else.
Thankfully the main girl I was with at the time?
She and I had already made a great connection.
This little interchange led us deeper still.
Now she was REALLY intrigued by me.
We continued to talk about all the societal programming this girl was displaying, and how it gets in the way of really connecting. Instead of just holding herself open to love this guy, he had to fit into her monogamy paradigm first.
That is why monogamy is so sad.
It makes you say no to love when you shouldn’t.
Who cares if this guy doesn’t commit to her?
Think of all the love she may just miss.
What do you think? Does a guy really have to put a ring on it, before he can really love you, or are you saying no to real love that you have right now, by holding out for “the one” like you’re doing?
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