It’s hard when someone leaves you.
When everything is okay.
When she just wants to get to know someone else.
But she can’t do that and still be with you.
But that is my reality as a polyamorous guy. I don’t own any of my romantic partners and they are free to do what they please about others.
Of course being with someone else?
It doesn’t mean a thing.
Doesn’t take away from what I enjoy with any given partner.
But so far I tend to attract monogamy girls.
Girls who don’t want to be with anybody else.
So they end up being monogamous with me.
Even though they understand I’m not monogamous with them.
The downside of this is when they find someone else?
Guess who has to go?
I’ll be quite honest with you, whenever I experience this experience of being left, I find myself even less attracted to monogamy than before.
Because when it happens?
Monogamy looks primarily as the denial of real love.
Think about it.
A girl is with me knowing I’m not monogamous.
She falls in in love with me for who I am.
Enjoys being with me.
But still potentially wants monogamy instead.
The time comes she meets someone who will be exclusive.
What does that mean she HAS to do?
She has to say in her heart or mind that an IDEOLOGY about relationships is more important to her, than the actual relationship she and I have.
The relationship she’s been enjoying?
We’ve been enjoying?
It simply has to go.
So the ideology of monogamy is more important than our ACTUAL love.
The love she has valued up until now?
Suddenly that has to change.
She cannot continue to honor our love AND be monogamous with someone else because the very nature of monogamy is that you have to say NO to any other love.
And then there is the new guy in the picture.
A guy with whom she has no history.
She has to be willing to walk toward that RISK instead.
And consider that better than what she already has.
What already means something to her.
What she already values enough that she’s been with me THIS LONG.
It’s hard not to feel like that is a betrayal and denial of the enriching love we’ve shared. I can’t imagine walking away from ANY love that really means something special to me.
That’s another reason I’m not monogamous.
I don’t want to have to pick and choose lovers.
It’s also why I don’t break up with anyone.
To me it just doesn’t make any sense.
Why would I choose a relationship style that makes me say No to love?
Say No to an actual love I am presently enjoying in my life?
All for a theory on how relationships “should” work?
But twice now I’ve had girls leave me for monogamy and not because they didn’t love me anymore. In both cases they left for some new guy who was willing to “get with the program.”
Of course if there is any consolation?
It’s that I know what I know.
Monogamy is nature’s con job to get babies on the way.
Yes it can take more or less time.
But eventually things break down.
They always do.
Which is another reason I never break up with anyone.
Even when my partner is leaving me like this?
I know the probabilities are extremely great.
I will likely be hearing from her again.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t wish relationship demise on anyone. But the statistics are completely clear. Long term monogamy does not work a much too high percentage of the time.
I’m definitely a long game guy.
I’m into love for the long run.
You want to talk about long term relationships?
You’re looking at a guy who TRULY believes.
I believe in LOVE.
Monogamy just doesn’t make sense.
I’d rather say YES to love EVERY time.
So my door is always open if my love wants to return.
How about you? Are you ready to finally give up on this failed relationship paradigm that tells you to say NO to love and always say YES to love instead?