So in Part 1 I painted a pretty bleak picture.
Is monogamy really as bad as I’m saying?
Maybe it’s just the WAY you did it that time.
Maybe next time it will work out differently.
This is the next phase of the monogamy marketing plan and once you’ve bought into it you begin to attempt to go about the whole thing “better.”
First you think to yourself.
“Maybe I just picked the wrong partner.”
If you go doing something stupid like that?
Of course you’re going to regret the results aren’t you?
I find that you girls are especially adept at seeing this one as the problem. You just ended up with an emotionally unavailable guy but next time you’ll pick the right one.
And so you begin your new career.
You become a professional serial monogamist.
After several of these “right partner” choices fail you too?
Now you become completely jaded instead.
At this point some “dating coach” thankfully comes to your rescue. They show you the problem isn’t your pick of guys but YOUR need for personal development.
You need to come to be “okay with you.”
Your self-esteem has been the problem.
Your neediness is drawing the wrong type of person.
So you knuckle down and begin to work on you.
At this point you usually also make the shift to believing that personal growth is the REAL reason for romantic relationships. You tell yourself you need to find a partner who is willing to work on his or her “shadow” too.
This definitely creates a different dynamic.
But since the focus is now all about your shadow and triggers?
Eventually when you hit one trigger too many?
Your serial monogamy pattern becomes alive and well again.
I hope from everything I’ve told you here you are starting to get the picture. It’s not the way you’re DOING monogamy. It is monogamy ITSELF that is messing with you.
You can’t keep throwing mud at the same wall.
Not if you want things to work out differently.
Instead you need to move to a totally DIFFERENT WALL.
This is why I recommend Romantic Friendships to you!
What do you think? Is the problem really the partners you pick or just that you need some personal fine tuning or is it time to finally admit that monogamy itself is the common denominator here?