I was talking to a friend recently.
I was in the middle of a breakup.
Missing my partner.
He suggested it might be good she broke up with me.
“Maybe you dodged a bullet!” he said.
I don’t really feel that way even when someone breaks up with me. Like I said I never break up with anyone.
I can understand his suggestion though.
Because usually breaking up?
It means leaving MONOGAMY.
When you are monogamous it can be a real nightmare.
Especially when you end up with the wrong person.
If you’re going to put all your relational eggs in that single basket?
You better get things right buddy!
When you enter a monogamous relationship with someone, you are committing to so many other things into this person’s hands.
Your recreational time.
Your emotional support.
Where you live and what you do with your life.
Then there is the day in and day out.
What it means to just try to live with someone.
Monogamy is such a HUGE commitment because it is about everything other than love as I’ve said many times before.
Yet you keep fooling yourself.
Acting like love is what you’re actually wanting.
So yes I can understand my friend’s sentiment.
This breakup could have been a real plus.
But because I’m polyamorous?
I don’t see it that way.
I just don’t face all these dangers when I choose to love a girl.
This was really brought home to me again when I was discussing this same breakup with yet another person.
Like my first friend she was trying to console me.
Suggesting this breakup was probably a good thing.
But every time she tried to make a point?
The argument came up short.
It just wasn’t applicable to me.
She kept saying things like, “Of course if you were monogamous there would be THIS problem because..,’ then she would fill in the blank why my former partner would never do.
But then she’d realize what she said.
See that because I’m polyamorous it didn’t apply.
Because my partners don’t have to be anything?
I can be with them and just enjoy our connection.
It was such a confirmation to me yet again.
What I’m constantly telling you here is TRUE.
When you’re polyamorous you just love your partners for who they are. You don’t have to worry about dodging bullets.
You’re not putting your whole life on the line.
You’re just enjoying the times you share together.
It doesn’t have to BE anything.
It’s what it IS.
And that’s enough.
You just enjoy each other.
This is so hard for people to grasp that even a partner asked me once why I would take her back when we started to connect again.
As if the breakup was in any way relevant!
I never connect with anyone because I think they’ll never leave.
I’m with them for what we share right then.
It’s about our desire to connect.
As long as we want to?
We can keep doing doing so!
If they feel they need to leave at some point of course that makes me sad. But I want them to be happy too so in that sense I’m glad they are leaving.
Romantic love is a mutual thing.
You’re through if it’s no longer mutual.
But what is to stop you from starting again?
If that feeling of mutuality returns?
One time I even had the same girl break up with me more than once. Each time it was after a full year of connecting!
Another friend asked, “You would still take her back?”
I said, “Sure! Why wouldn’t I?”
When I come to love a girl I don’t lose that feeling.
I value her for who she is from then on.
She would have to completely change who she is to change that.
Why would I say no to sharing with her again when I can enjoy who she is once more? Unlike monogamy I’m not setting myself up to be used so I’m free to once again enjoy her.
I never have all my relationship eggs in any one person’s basket.
I’m always open to love wherever I find it.
So nobody is any kind of bullet to me.
Each girl is a wonderful opportunity to connect with her.
To share love together!
Who doesn’t want that?
I hope you can see that the real bullet here isn’t any guy or girl. It’s MONOGAMY. That is what’s preventing you from enjoying real love without succumbing to all of love’s problems.
Monogamy just puts too much on the line.
Real love is easy.
It’s what you are HERE for.
Dodge the REAL bullet.
Opt for Romantic Friendships!
How about you? Are you tired of constantly trying to dodge a bullet by finding the perfect partner and ready to enjoy love with anyone by avoiding monogamy’s baggage?
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There is another side to this: what if you have more than one ‘bad’ partner? Like, say, 3 of them? Maybe you might dodge one bullet, but three? Are you feeling lucky today?