This is the title of an article I found a while ago.
Sounds great doesn’t it?
If you examine the fine print though?
The argument really doesn’t hold up.
Elizabeth Best gives the example of babies who come out of the womb unable to love, and with only the capacity to receive love.
Of course this is true.
But this is also why you ended up messed up.
Because your parents failed to love you?
You ended up not loving yourself.
Suggesting you look to your partner to fix this though?
It’s a recipe for disaster.
Most of the people out there in the dating world, were also not loved by their parents. Guess what that means? Their looking to YOUR love to fix them too!
Bring together two negative forces and what happens?
Sadly, when it comes to love and romance though?
The repulsion comes much later.
In the beginning there is huge attraction.
Because two opposite, but equally needy energies, are bound to draw each other initially.
Think moths to the flame.
Or better yet?
Lemmings to the sea.
Of course, the author of this article is entirely correct that you don’t need to be loved to be loveable. The fact is, you never lost that worthiness you first had as a baby.
You only lost it in your own mind.
And in your emotions.
The problem is, you don’t believe it any more.
Because you didn’t receive love when you should have.
But trying to get that love from someone else now?
Someone who also doesn’t love themselves?
It’s never going to work.
As always, sorry to be the bad news bearer!
And contrary to what this author claims about Narcissists’ having no problem with self-love? They are some of the most insecure people on the planet.
I was a love avoidant.
A borderline narcissist myself.
That external veneer of confidence?
It is exactly that.
A thin veneer, attempting to convince yourself and the world, you really are alright.
As much as their anxiety prone partners, Narcissists also were not loved when they were young. Now they seek out partners who will validate them too.
But I must be fair to this author.
This “wisdom” that she’s touting?
She draws it from a source I’ve discussed before.
Stan Tatkin is an advocate of using your relationship to heal your own emotional wounds.
That means using your partner!
I think his advice is completely wrong headed on this point.
As long as you have not healed from your own attachment wounds, the probability you will attract an equally wounded soul is almost 100%. All the securely attached people are finding each other, and tend to steer clear of you.
I know this sounds like bad news.
That you should focus on healing yourself.
It would be so much nicer if that love you so dearly desire, would just come along and save you.
Please listen to me.
It’s NOT going to happen.
Give up on that quest.
The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll find the love you’re looking for.
Instead, start working on yourself, and seeking to love yourself completely. Become the kind of person that a truly healthy person would want to be with.
What kind of person is that?
A person who doesn’t NEED a partner.
Someone who wants to give love to instead.
The way to find love?
Let it go, and let it come to you.
It will do that.
When it finds in you a soul who is truly ready for love.
Need help on your journey?
Hit me up for a coffee or Skype session!
What do you think? Could you maybe use a good dose of self-love after all?
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